Since being laid off eight months ago, I have had a tough time
financially. I was recently offered a position in another state,
but I can’t decide whether to accept it.
Q:
Since being laid off eight months ago, I have had a tough time financially. I was recently offered a position in another state, but I can’t decide whether to accept it. I don’t want to move the family, because my wife is employed full-time and my daughter is a junior in high school. If I accept the offer, I plan to commute on weekends until I’m able to move back. Although I don’t like this idea, the job market is here is very tight, and I’m starting to worry about college expenses. What are your thoughts?
A:
Any relocation decision involves a cost/benefit assessment. When the emotional costs seem to cancel out the financial benefits, making up your mind can be difficult. On the plus side, avoiding an extended period of unemployment will improve both your financial position and your resume. But on the other hand, weeklong absences will completely alter your family dynamics, requiring you and your wife to develop strategies for sustaining a long-distance marriage.
During negotiations with your prospective employer, explore the possibility of occasional teleworking. That would reduce your stress. And be sure to clarify expectations about weekend work. If this company has a workaholic culture, your trips home might be more limited than you think.
In the end, however, the deciding factor may simply be money. If precarious finances are jeopardizing your home or your daughter’s education, a short-term sacrifice may be required to restore your long-term security.
Q:
A woman in our office complains constantly. She gripes about being single, needing money and lots of other personal problems. Our company has been laying people off and cutting back hours, but instead of being thankful to have a job, she grumbles about how they “took away her overtime”. When we try to point out the good things in her life, she gets quiet and won’t talk for hours.
A couple of us thought she might be depressed, so we suggested that she contact our employee assistance program. However, she didn’t like what the counselor said, so she won’t go back. Times are tough, and her chronic negativity makes everything more depressing. What should we do?
A:
Your gloomy colleague may be clinically depressed or she may just be an unpleasant person. Either way, you’ve done all you can by referring her to employee assistance.
Now you should focus on improving your own life by discouraging her pity parties. If you’re feeling trapped by these dismal conversations, then you’re undoubtedly being too polite. Listening to her complaints will only reward that behavior, so extricate yourself by taking control of the conversation.
As soon as Debbie Downer launches into one of her melancholy monologues, immediately state that you have to get back to work.
If you’re stuck with her during breaks or lunch, respond to any negative comments by changing the subject to something more cheerful.
Since she stops talking when people point out positives, this might be the solution to your problem.
