Interpersonal relationships significantly affect our lives, and
at times can cause pesky complications. Getting along with family,
friends and associates
– all the time – is an enormous challenge. Miscommunications are
inevitable. To the detriment of our emotional health, some of us
nurse worrisome grudges or revisit private museums of ruined
relationships.
Interpersonal relationships significantly affect our lives, and at times can cause pesky complications. Getting along with family, friends and associates – all the time – is an enormous challenge. Miscommunications are inevitable. To the detriment of our emotional health, some of us nurse worrisome grudges or revisit private museums of ruined relationships.
Our dander can get up instantly because of a perceived slight, misinterpreted gesture, poor choice of words – or even an intended verbal smack. Warfare and indirect aggression may ensue. Be careful of falling prey to that snare, though; it has hidden consequences. Anger and conflict are power robbers – distractions that drain energy and impair forward movement toward goals.
If you’re having conflict, try to think fondly of the other person, even if they’re behaving like a reptile. “They must have had a rough childhood, spiteful siblings, difficult parents, tough breaks,” whatever helps you frame them more compassionately. Practice concentrating on good things about them. Be as easy on others as you are on yourself.
Example: You may think, “I’m candid,” while labeling someone else, “rude.”
Don’t assume you know what another person is thinking; they may have an entirely opposite intention from what you suppose. Keep the lines of communication open. Rehearse a few key phrases you want to say, based on the outcome you desire. Center conversation around “I,” rather than “you,” which sounds accusatory. “I think, I feel, I believe.” “What can I do so that we can get along better?” Bite your tongue if they don’t come back with a contrite response. If your body language says, “You are incredibly, exasperatingly impossible!” then you’ve undone the good you just attempted and possibly made the situation worse.
Think about what you can do to make things better. You can’t control anyone else but yourself. Analyze what you may be doing that’s setting up the circumstances. No matter whose fault the problems are, if you want things to be better, it may be in your best interest to change some behavior or attitude you have. Zig Ziglar said, “In 99% of the cases, our difficulty is not with other people and other situations; the truth is most of the difficulty lies right here between our own two ears.”
Our egos get wrapped up in being right. Do you want the situation to improve or do you just want to be proven right? Is it more important to be right or to be happy? Move toward a meeting, a truce, a solution. And do it sooner, rather than later. Continued conflict is best resolved before time passes and hard feelings set in. Relationship thorns have a way of getting worse over time. General Norman Schwarzkopf said it this way, “What’s broken, fix now.”
When intense, snarling emotions are stirred, concentrate on forgiveness, because it’s through forgiveness that we become free – free to explore new plateaus of endeavor and pleasure, free to move on unhindered emotionally. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.
Bottom line: No matter the ogres you encounter in life, the determining factor in your success is what you do with you. That includes making wise, deliberate choices about relationships and conflict management.
