Sports columnists are far too cynical. We too often sacrifice
earnest appreciation of what is good in the world of sports at the
altar of the one-liner.
Well, not this columnist and not this column.
Sports columnists are far too cynical. We too often sacrifice earnest appreciation of what is good in the world of sports at the altar of the one-liner.
Well, not this columnist and not this column. ‘Tis the season, after all. It’s a time to count our blessings and put aside the jaded in favor of the elated.
So I’ve got a list (and I’m spell-checking it twice) of 25 things to be thankful for this holiday season, one for each of the days until … well, mid-January, actually. I knew I should have written this column two weeks ago. But never mind that, let’s count those blessings. We ought to be thankful that:
1. The outrageous price of beer at our local stadiums and arenas makes it unlikely unruly fans will ever waste it on athletes’ heads the way they did at the Pacers-Pistons game.
2. The Holiday Bowl will be finished in time for us to catch the Silicon Valley Bowl. That’s right, Cal, the No. 4 team in the country, finishes its 2004 season before the Silicon Valley Bowl kicks off. Woo-hoo!
3. This is the number of local high school football teams that made the playoffs.
4. Stanford now has a coach who will be playing later in the season than Jeff Tedford and his 10-1 Bears.
5. We can finally go back to saying Willie Mays is the greatest player ever to wear a Giants uniform.
6. If Donald Rumsfeld is correct and armor is completely ineffective, at least people will stop complaining about another of Barry Bonds’ supposedly unfair advantages.
7. The Arizona Cardinals exist and they play in the NFC West.
8. Latrell Sprewell, Chris Webber, Nick Van Exel, Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison, Larry Hughes, Erick Dampier and Joe Smith are off being problems for someone else besides the Warriors. Problems winning at a combined .634 clip, but problems nonetheless.
9. Sprewell is thankfully managing to feed his family on a paltry few million dollars a year.
10. The Giants’ infield will not only be better defensively, but will also take a keen interest in the battle over social security.
11. Only 130 more shopping days until the NFL draft!
12. Only 194 more shopping days until the NBA draft!
13. Personal debt counseling is a growth industry, which is clearly a sign of a vibrant market efficiently meeting demand in a healthy economy.
14. Steve Finley wasn’t signed to drag down the average age of the Giants’ outfield.
15. Al Davis will soon be too old to regularly move his bowels, let alone his team.
16. Our own Robert “The Ghost” Guerrero is a true spectre in the ring.
17. Our own Kelsey Jefferies is kicking butt and taking names on her side of the boxing card.
18. The whole steroid thing is harshing George Steinbrenner’s buzz, too.
19. Billy Beane is still able to take the three wooden nickels and a piece of string that Steve Schott gives him for payroll and have the A’s contend.
20. The University of Mississippi – affectionately known as “Ole Miss” – is recruiting 49ers coach Dennis Erickson – affectionately known as “Won’t Be Missed.”
21. The Gilroy-Watsonville boys’ soccer match absolutely, positively will take place on January 17, 2008 (schedule subject to change).
22. I only have to think up three more of these items.
23. If Victor Conte is convicted of illegally distributing steroids, that’s the beginnings of one hell of a jailhouse band.
24. This is the percentage by which NHL players’ salaries would be cut to move the league back into the black and save the 2004-05 hockey season.
25. This is the number of remaining fans who care.
Sports editor Damon Poeter can be reached at dp*****@**********rs.com
