I don’t want to brag or anything, but this year my son is on an
UNDEFEATED soccer team. Yes, it’s true.
Not that anything’s wrong with being defeated, of course. But
after all these years of being on a string of teams in last place,
I admit it’s somewhat of a shock.
I don’t want to brag or anything, but this year my son is on an UNDEFEATED soccer team. Yes, it’s true.
Not that anything’s wrong with being defeated, of course. But after all these years of being on a string of teams in last place, I admit it’s somewhat of a shock.
This is because, before now, the closest anyone in the Farmer family has come to being on a team that won anything was six years ago when, during a particularly listless soccer game, the ball accidentally rolled into the goal while the other team was distracted by a passing train.
And I thought I was proud then.
However, the thing is, back then I always knew what to do. I mean, coming from a long line of people-who-got-picked-last-for-kickball I know exactly how to handle losing. After each game I’d pat my son’s back and say morale-boosting things like, “Don’t worry, it’s only a game,” or “You gave it your personal best,” or other some other Zen-like phrase.
Truth be told, winning all of the time has me unsettled and confused. Now, instead of having to console my son, my only job is jumping up and down and shouting things like, “High Five!” and “Fruity-Tooty, you’ve got the power to wup their booty! Yee-haw!”
The other problem is that it’s not like we’re big sports people or anything. I’m the sort of person whose mantra about any kind of athletic competition has always been, “Do your personal best, and if that doesn’t work – go buy some really cute shoes.”
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I’ve never competed to win something before. Once, at a particularly competitive Harvest Fair cakewalk, I jogged 15 laps in a circle and tripped three people just to win a dozen chocolate, spider-shaped cupcakes, so I’d have something to bring to the annual neighborhood potluck.
It’s just that a championship team is no place for the type of parent who instinctively wants to rush over to the losing team with a box of Kleenex, give them hugs and feed them all snicker doodles and hot chocolate.
However, we all know that winning definitely has its perks. The first is that it increases your child’s self-esteem. The second is that now I get to use words like, “Fruity-Tooty” and “Booty” in the same sentence and have it make sense. Well, sort of.
But the funny thing is, despite my previous Zen approach to athletic competition, I can’t help trying to work in to almost every conversation that my son is on an undefeated team. I say things like, “We’re so busy on the weekends because, you see, we’re on the winning team.” And, “Oh, did you know that the global economy is up 5 percent and that my son’s soccer team is in first place?” And so on.
And yes, I know that some of you are thinking, “Hey, that’s just bragging. It’s petty and beneath you.” And, well, you’re right. But have I mentioned that my son’s team is undefeated?
Ok, ok, I should stop. But in my defense I only brag because I am proud of my son and his teammates and because, well, I have a lot of free time since there’s not much else for me to do. Oh, I’m sure that someday my son’s team will eventually lose and he’ll go back to needing my morale-boosting “Who Needs to Make a Stupid Goal Anyway” speech.
Until then I’m going to brag. That, and buy some really cute shoes.
