I feel that I am living a solitary nightmare at work. My job is
stressful and unrewarding, with little chance of advancement.
Raises and promotions are given only to the chosen few.
Q:
I feel that I am living a solitary nightmare at work. My job is stressful and unrewarding, with little chance of advancement. Raises and promotions are given only to the chosen few. Management favors people who are outgoing, and I am an introvert. I am also 20 years older than most of my coworkers, so I don’t fit in well.
I find myself complaining constantly, because I can’t seem to control my anger and unhappiness. I have blown up at my supervisor more than once. I’m embarrassed about this childish behavior, which has cost me the respect of my colleagues.
I don’t like the person I have become, but I don’t know how to change. Starting over somewhere else would be difficult because of my age and poor reputation. What can I do?
A:
I am truly sorry that you are so desperately unhappy, but I’m glad you realize that you are largely the source of your own misery. Many discontented people remain stubbornly blind to their own shortcomings.
Because anger is at the root of your problem, the first step towards change is dealing with your hostile feelings. Otherwise, negative emotions will continue to seep into all your interactions at work. And if you change jobs, odds are that you will simply transfer your resentment to your new surroundings.
Since anger management is tough to tackle as a self-help project, consider seeking help from a wise and trusted friend or a professional counselor. Make an effort to control your negative “self-talk” – that is, the pessimistic messages that continually run through your mind. Instead, try to see the positive aspects of your work and your life.
You must also begin mending fences with your boss and coworkers. Let them know that you want to become a more pleasant and helpful colleague, then ask what you could do to make their work easier. Finally, stop viewing your age and temperament as insurmountable barriers. If you are able to transform your negative outlook, those factors should quickly become irrelevant.
Q:
Two coworkers and I made a complaint about our manager. When the CEO met with us to hear our concerns, neither of my coworkers said very much. Now I’m being viewed as the complainer, so he wants to talk with me individually. I would like to tell him about our disagreement with our manager and what each person said, but I don’t know if I should.
A:
Regardless of the issue, I can almost guarantee that your CEO will not want a detailed accounting of who said what to whom. Executives prefer to focus on business problems, not interpersonal squabbles. And they like people who get to the point.
To prepare for this meeting, try to figure out how the problem with your manager is adversely affecting the company. If you can’t make that connection, then perhaps this is simply a personal matter between you and your boss. In that case, just tell the CEO that you plan to work things out with your manager, then proceed to do exactly that.
