By Mary Anne McCarthy
I love a good party
… who doesn’t? What makes a memorable party? Food, drink,
setting all contribute to a good time, but the best parties I’ve
been to are given by a great host who actually enjoys the guests
and treats them like they are precious beings worthy of special
attention.
By Mary Anne McCarthy
I love a good party … who doesn’t? What makes a memorable party? Food, drink, setting all contribute to a good time, but the best parties I’ve been to are given by a great host who actually enjoys the guests and treats them like they are precious beings worthy of special attention.
I grew up an Air Force brat in the days when officer’s wives followed a protocol in entertaining and hosted elegant dinner parties. The cue for the kids that a party was to take place was the purchase of frozen chicken pot pies (frozen foods were cooked only when my mom wanted us to disappear in our rooms for the evening). If I was lucky and acting particularly cute that night I was allowed to greet the guests at the door then was given the cue to scram. Of course I peeked around many corners watching my mom as she made her guests feel welcomed and cared for with a drink or food within minutes of arriving.
For a child, the sound of our home slowly filling with laughter, the clink of glasses, and the aroma of my mom’s standard party food filling the house was extremely exciting and, in a way, comforting. We were sharing our home, people were happy, and I was tendering lessons that would later help me to host my own parties (my children are always cute and allowed to answer the door!).
Hosting muscles are being flexed around South County during the next two weeks as 30 Japanese college students are staying with generous families to learn the language and culture, and to sample California hospitality.
Morgan Hill Mayor Dennis Kennedy hosted the students Monday in the city council chambers and expounded eloquently on the past, present and future of Morgan Hill.
After learning the students had only been in the country for three days and are still sharpening their language skills, Mayor Kennedy slowed to a pace of short questions and answers but maintained his interest in the student’s backgrounds and impressions of their visit to the South County. Throughout the visit, Kennedy was the perfect city host.
Yuko Okuzawa, the self-described cheerful exchange student who hopes to work as a flight attendant, is my daughter’s new Asian sister (she clings to all of the female exchange students we have had after self-described suffering with brothers).
Yuko could give lessons to anyone on being the perfect guest (she loves all food, loves my dog, smiles a lot and claps enthusiastically for all the tricks we perform for her).
Although hosting an exchange student lasts a bit longer than the average party (OK, many of us had those college parties where guests took several days to find their way out), it does give one a workout in making someone feel comfortable and welcomed.
Ironically, the first morning of Yuko’s arrival I was preparing Swedish pancakes and the radio was playing the Beatle’s tune “Imagine.” One concept that keeps us hosting foreign students is one that Jacques Cousteau advocated. If we all knew someone in another country maybe it would be harder to go to war with them. Lennon says it best “Imagine all the people living life in peace … the world will be as one.”
Maybe hosting an exchange student doesn’t fit into your lifestyle (but no complaints about war), but the holidays will soon enough be here and the perfect time to give a party (go ahead, practice hosting … it gets easier every time).
An interesting observation made by an East Coast friend was the tendency of Californians to put an ending time on their invitations. This friend pointed out that East Coast parties last as long as the fun. Could it be that we have scheduled ourselves so tight that we don’t have time for recovery? I had to chuckle when I recalled one friend who gives wonderful parties, but we all know to clear out at 9pm when she starts to fill the dishwasher and turn out the lights.
The art of hosting works in a dance with the art of being a guest. The two are subtle, requiring each to perceive cues from one another and keep in mind some unwritten, but important rules.
Town and Country Publications’ “Elegant Entertaining” by New York caterer Francine Maroukian outlines the protocol for parties from cocktail to sit-down dinners to outdoor soirees. Maroukian states, “Parties come to life when everyone understands their particular entertaining roles.”
Practicing the role of host requires the following:
1. You’re only as good as your guest – invite interesting people.
2. Work the door – welcome your guests personally at the door.
3. Don’t make it a pet and people party. Give Rover the night off.
4. Make introductions that encourage a conversation starter. “Fred and I met skydiving in Hollister …”
5. Control the menu – plan dishes that the majority will enjoy (my experience is overly picky people are not interesting!)
6. Plan ahead but not too much – remain poised no matter what happens.
Just as the perfect host works the party on their side being a guest comes with its’ own set of standards:
1. Be on time – not early (I’m usually putting the vacuum away …Oops!)
2. Don’t bring anything or anyone – although chocolates are always welcome at my house.
3. Engage. Yes, even you shy engineers. Talk and listen.
4. No special orders. Forget low-carb that night.
5. Get a cue when to leave. Coffee being served is the gracious host’s way of saying the evening is winding down.
6. Handwritten note of thanks. I know all of you who insist on your children writing notes after birthday parties, but how about thanks to the host of the BBQ last weekend?
I’m also adding to Maroukian’s list by encouraging guests to reciprocate invitations even when the Jones’ have a bigger, better house for parties. Some of our best parties were when we had no furniture, a small house and enough food to feed the proverbial army.
Go ahead and start planning the parties, and practice what I’ve preached, and remember to invite your local society columnist (I need to cover at least one party a week!)
Also, consider hosting an exchange student; it’s worth 10 party-giving points.
Ciao for now.
Have an event coming up or a hot tip for Mary Anne? E-mail it to hi*********@***********ws.com
