”
Grandma, how did you ever do it? How did you manage to raise
four girls?
”
“Grandma, how did you ever do it? How did you manage to raise four girls?”
I posed this question to my maternal Grandma last Sunday, the sacred day our western calendar bestows on Moms once a year. I had hoped to garner a pearl of wisdom or two about the ways of raising daughters.
That’s right. Daughters. As in more than one. You see, on Mother’s Day nine days had passed since my husband, Chris, and I learned of the delightful news that our little bundle we are expecting in early September is a girl. We will be raising two daughters 20 months apart.
We are thrilled with the prospect of adding a little sister for Emma to our family. We look forward joyfully to witnessing our girls become close playmates and friends for life.
I picture tea parties and dress-up, first days of school and new shoes, bickering over the bathroom and hair-pulling, slumber parties and whispered confidences, hugs and tears.
So, on Mother’s Day, of all days, I waited hopefully for any advice my Grandmother could pass along about raising four girls, two of whom are twins.
“I don’t know, I just did,” she laughed. “You’ll manage.”
This is not exactly what I had expected to hear. I thought maybe my Grandma had tucked away some time-worn revelations about keeping a harmonious home.
No such luck.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right. While I think we parents set out to do everything right – we read the “right” books, adopt the “right” parenting philosophies, teach our kids the “right” lessons, sometimes our children are raised with little more than a lick and a promise and of course, heaps of love.
We, their Moms and Dads, just do it one day at a time – the best that we know how. We parent by feel, trusting our gut.
That’s what the past 16 months have taught me. Since the day we brought our daughter Emma home, as quickly as I could research the next phase of her life, she had already jumped two squares ahead of me and I have been left scrambling to catch up.
Most days, I throw out the book, breathe in and out slowly, hold her close and talk in soothing tones to calm both of us.
I have since learned how to interpret her whines and facial tweaks. I’ve learned when it’s time for a nap and when it’s time to head to the park. And I have learned when to say no even when it would be easier to say yes.
Soon, her wee sister will join our household. I just hope we’re ready. As we have these past 16 months, we will take it one step at a time.
I can’t speculate how Emma will react to having a tinier version of herself take up residence on Mommy’s lap. When our girls are introduced for the first time, I don’t know whether Emma will kiss her or pinch her.
I imagine our first-born, who craves order and normalcy, will assume the role of head of playroom, instructing our second-born on the ways of the world.
But what about those painful, horrible teen years that lie ahead like a black, swirling, bottomless pit? I’ve already begun to replay the yelling matches, silent treatments, and fights that swallowed up my childhood home while I was wrestling with my own teenage angst.
You see, a strange phenomenon occurs to little girls as they morph into young ladies. It’s what I’ve referred to in the past as the “three-headed dragon phase,” which rears its ugly head at age 12 and is slayed – if you’re lucky – at about age 18.
I hold my head when I try to fathom our daughters simultaneously roaring through this rite of passage.
I don’t know how Chris and I will do it. Perhaps five or ten years from now we still won’t. But we will be doing it, whether we know it or not – without a set of rules, agenda or playbook. Sure, we’ll read the right books and teach them the right lessons. We’ll see what the experts have to say, turn to our Moms and Grandmas, and then we’ll manage.
We’ll breathe in and out. We’ll hold them close. We’ll talk in soothing tones.
We’ll take it one step at a time – with a lick and a promise and heaps and heaps of love.
Kelly Barbazette lives in Gilroy with her husband, Chris, daughter, Emma, and miniature dachshund. She is the owner of Write Now, a copywriting and public relations company in Gilroy. She can be reached at kb*********@***oo.com.
