My son shaved his head. Oh, I don’t mean that my son got a short
haircut for summer. I don’t even mean that Junior got the lead role
in ”The King and I” and went bald for it. No, I mean that Junior
took a razor and shaved the entire back of his head.
My son shaved his head. Oh, I don’t mean that my son got a short haircut for summer. I don’t even mean that Junior got the lead role in ”The King and I” and went bald for it. No, I mean that Junior took a razor and shaved the entire back of his head.
Well, not the ENTIRE back of his head. He did leave a tiny strip of less than a 1/2-inch on each side. But he did shave from neck to crown, leaving him with one heck of an interesting hair-do.
And of course, it’s my fault. We’re tiling Junior’s bathroom, so he couldn’t use his own shower and I let him use mine. And stupidly, I took my razor out of the shower and told Junior not to touch it. Well, I should’ve just put a big, neon sign on it that said, ”as soon as I am out of this room, grab this razor and shave your head.”
Because that’s exactly what he did.
The minute I was out of the bathroom, Junior got out, opened the drawer with the razor in it, picked it up, walked back into the shower and shaved his head. And he didn’t stop there. Apparently, the head shave was so good, he shaved his legs. Both of them.
And after he was done shaving, he got out of the shower, got dressed in his pajamas and came to dinner. I should have known something was wrong. Junior never, ever gets out of the shower without a fight. And he never immediately gets into his pj‚s without a hassle. Oh, I know what you’re thinking – stupid, stupid Mommy.
Anyway, after that, Junior sat down to dinner. He ate, he conversed, he was polite and charming and he complimented the food several times. Now, frankly, I should have known something was wrong. My dinners are rarely, if ever, complimented. But I was ignorant. Stupid, stupid Mommy, indeed.
When he was done, Junior asked to be excused. I was a little suspicious then. But it wasn’t until he did something really extraordinary – he took his plate and placed it on the counter AND put his placemat away – that I caught a glimpse of his freshly shaved little head, glowing in the evening light.
And I screamed.
I’m sure you heard me. I think people in Hollister and Morgan Hill heard me. In fact, from now on that scream will be known as ”the scream heard ’round the county.”
Because it was loud. And it was shocked. And it was horrified.
Once I was done screaming, I asked him why. And do you know what my little, bald 8 year old said to me? He said, ”I don’t know.” How can he not know? How? How can you step out of the shower, open a drawer, pull out a razor, get back in the shower, shave your head and NOT KNOW WHY YOU DID IT?
Now I understand my parent’s frustration when I was a child and said, ”I don’t know.” It’s worse than the head shaving – to realize that not only is your child a walking, talking cue ball, but he doesn’t have the sense to actually know why he did it.
But that’s okay. I managed to find a hairdresser that night who repaired the damage by making him look like a military school cadet – which is where he will be going if he ever does this again.
And I’ll have the last laugh. Just wait until the hair starts to grow back. That’s going to itch like crazy.
I can’t wait.
