If you, like me, are a fan of the Food Network, you’ve
undoubtedly been worked into major food frenzies during the past
few weeks. From early November, in glorious widescreen color,
celebrated TV chefs sauteed, whipped, creamed, roasted, broiled and
braised so many glorious Thanksgiving feasts that I’m still faint
just thinking about it.
If you, like me, are a fan of the Food Network, you’ve undoubtedly been worked into major food frenzies during the past few weeks. From early November, in glorious widescreen color, celebrated TV chefs sauteed, whipped, creamed, roasted, broiled and braised so many glorious Thanksgiving feasts that I’m still faint just thinking about it.
No matter the hour, you could flip on the Food Network and be dazzled by sumptuous spreads prepared by Iron Chefs and other competent culinary connoisseurs. Each mouthwatering slice into the turkey, every piquant spoonful of cranberry sauce, each savory mouthful of stuffing had been prepared and described to death by the eve of Thanksgiving.
And in my book there is no tastier chef on all the Food Network than Paula Deen. Ms. Deen is a southern girl that is so homey you’ll want to put on big old fluffy bunny slippers and sidle up close to the TV screen to watch her whip up her yummy dishes. Paula’s favorite ingredient is butter, followed closely by heavy cream so the recipes she prepares are probably not going to be endorsed by your cardiologist. With dishes like “Bert’s Southern Fried Chicken,” “Uncle Bubba’s Wings,” “‘Fat Darrell’ Sandwich” or “Gussie’s Fried Chicken with Pecan-Honey Glaze,” you’ve probably guessed that skim milk is probably not a staple in Paula’s kitchen. You can practically hear your arteries slamming shut when consuming Paula’s dishes.
One of the major problems with watching Paula and all that pre-holiday salivation stimulation on the Food Network was the tendency to “overdo” in our own kitchens come Thanksgiving. I know, we thought we were the models of moderation when preparing the year’s biggest feast, right? What’s that? No? OK, if you, like me, careened over the cliff in cooking your Thanksgiving feast and consumed your own body weight in stuffing on Turkey Day, now you’re faced with a different dilemma: what on earth is one to do with all those leftovers?
Granted, not all leftovers are created equal. Got leftover dressing? No problem. But turkey? Yes, we bought the world’s biggest bird because we love those leftovers. But seriously. How are we supposed to do away with approximately 2,746 pounds of dark meat before salmonella sets in? We need help!
Frankly, I’m feeling a little abandoned by the Food Network right now. I mean, I tuned in for the daily cookie alerts. I scanned the list of America’s best sides. But let’s get some of those creative geniuses to come back – right now – and tell us what we’re supposed to do about all this leftover turkey that’s taking up too much real estate in the fridge.
Surely leftovers aren’t something the Food Network is unaware of. I mean, since time began home cooks have been trying to figure out how to utilize leftovers. For example, back in four bazillion B.C., when families were still creating new things to fight about, the caveman husband foraged for food while his caveman wife created new recipes for leftover pterodactyl:
Oog: “Isn’t this the same mastodon we had Wednesday?” Mrs. Oog: “The blasted thing weighed 4,000 pounds. What did you expect me to do with that leftover thigh meat?” Oog: “Can’t you feed it to the dog?” Mrs. Oog: “Dogs haven’t been invented yet.”
So you see what we’re up against, people. This is a problem of growing national proportion with no solutions in sight. Sure, we followed the rules on brining, trussing and carving the turkey, but nobody warned us about leftovers. And, OK, a couple of magazines came out with some stale old suggestions about leftovers but how many turkey sandwiches can a person eat for Pete’s sake? And if someone tries to pass off another batch of turkey-vegetable soup as original, well … it won’t be pretty.
Maybe all is not lost. Perhaps good old American ingenuity may yet save the day. How about Turkey Quesadillas? Turkey Bolognese? Or perhaps Second Day Turkey and String Bean Pot Pies. But “Turkey Bubble and Squeak with Corn Puree?” Umm … not so much.
But perhaps you’re simply too exhausted from all of that cooking on Thanksgiving Day. Do you have enough energy to search for still more creative recipes to consume that leftover turkey? In truth, we might be getting just a little bit tired of turkey by now. So let’s just check out a couple of Paula Deen’s dinner suggestions, shall we? Yep, here’s the ticket – and it doesn’t have the slightest thing to do with leftover turkey. It’s Paula’s recipe for Beer-in-the-Rear Chicken. Now there’s some food for thought.
