If you want to find out exactly the type of person you are,
forget about things like magazine quizzes, self-hypnosis,
professional therapy and all that.
If you want to find out exactly the type of person you are, forget about things like magazine quizzes, self-hypnosis, professional therapy and all that.
Believe it or not, a new study has determined that your favorite flavor of ice cream reveals your true personality.
For example, if strawberry is your favorite flavor, you’re a thoughtful, logical person who carefully weighs each option. If you like vanilla, you’re a colorful, dramatic risk taker who relies on intuition. And so on.
But what I guess really kills me is that inside a world-leading industrialized nation, capable of launching satellites into space, creating life outside of the human body and inventing high-speed Internet access, a research organization has invested time and money on research to find out that you never really know a person until you’ve seen them eat ice cream.
Now to me, this seems like just the kind of valuable information that could be dangerous in the wrong hands.
I don’t know about you, but just the thought of my entire personality being determined by what I eat is, well, frightening.
Experts: OK, Mrs. Farmer, before we allow you to drive the soccer carpool, we need to learn a little more about you. So why don’t you give us a rundown of what you’ve eaten so far today?
Me: Well, let’s see, for breakfast there was a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich and, oh yeah, part of a cold chicken leg.
For lunch I washed down some Chinese food I found in a box in the back of the fridge with a chocolate diet shake.
I think it was chow mien. But I could be wrong.
Experts (frantically scribbling on their clipboard): Is that all?
Me: Well, uh, yes. Unless, of course you insist on counting the cupcake leftover from my son’s birthd …
Experts: Next!
OK, we all know this would never really happen, but you must admit it does bring up all sorts of other worrisome issues. Like, for instance, how do you analyze people like my friend Julie, who doesn’t eat ice cream at all, or my conservative friend Shirley, who loves pistachio covered with rainbow sprinkles?
To test this flavor theory, I brought my kids to a local ice cream shop.
So imagine my surprise when my children, my pride and joy, my wonderful and innovative and creative kids, both decided to order vanilla. “Are you sure?” I asked both them.
“How about a nice, scrumptious triple-chocolate, or vanilla with a big, splashy scoop of banana nut?”
“No, thanks, Mom,” my daughter said. “Really, vanilla just sounds pretty good right now.”
“C’mon,” I argued, “show some ambition. Order up some peanut-butter and cotton candy ice cream with pecans. How do you ever expect to get into Harvard if you order a boring scoop of vanilla? ”
Suddenly, as my kids started backing away from me, I was met with the kind of stares usually reserved for things like UFO sightings and flying monkeys.
Between you and me, the next time I go out for ice cream and want to appear extra exciting and mysterious, I’m ordering a double scoop of macadamia nut fudge brownie cheesecake. Just in case.
