Group Offers Grief Support for Locals

We all lose loved ones, perhaps life’s most painful experience.
A highly-regarded nonprofit organization offers South County
residents help in dealing with the grief they feel due to this
loss.
We all lose loved ones, perhaps life’s most painful experience. A highly-regarded nonprofit organization offers South County residents help in dealing with the grief they feel due to this loss.

The Central Coast Visiting Nurse Association and Hospice has been providing bereavement groups for South Country residents for the past six months. They are held at the Kaiser Gilroy Medical Center, 7520 Arroyo Circle, from 4:30 to 6pm.

The English-speaking group meets on the second Monday of each month; the Spanish-speaking group meets on the fourth Monday of each month. They are available free of charge to any member of the community.

Both groups follow a similar format: People who have attended previously introduce themselves and explain the event which has caused them to come to the group. New participants can just listen; there is no pressure on them to speak. Then the facilitator asks if anyone has experienced an important date recently (a date related to the deceased loved one – like a birthday, anniversary, etc.). Participants are encouraged to tell how they handle these kinds of milestones.

The remainder of the session is devoted to people talking  about their feelings concerning their loss, perhaps offering suggestions about things which help them cope with their grief: “When I went through that, this is what I did.”

Joseph Lumello is the facilitator of the English group. He left a career as an architectural draftsman because of his volunteer work with support groups offered by L.A. Shanti in Los Angeles. After receiving initial training from that organization, he went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in liberal arts and a master’s in clinical psychology at Antioch University in Los Angeles.   

Lumello has worked in VNA’s Hospice program since 2003, a position he describes as “terribly rewarding” because of the opportunities to help patients who are dying and the loved ones left behind.

“Our society has a hard time dealing with death,” Lumello suggests. “There seems to be an unspoken time limit for people to grieve.” After the “casserole and condolence” phase, people are given a period of time to mourn based on their relationship to the deceased: spouse, parent, child, friend. Then they are expected to “be over it.”

People come to grief groups hoping to learn the “proper way to grieve.” Lumello insists that doesn’t exist, that there’s “no appropriate time frame.” The process is “deeply personal and individual.”

Within bereavement groups there is a wide range of emotions expressed: sadness, anger, even humor, all equally valid. “People find it easier to open up to strangers” than to family members who expect the griever to “get back to normal.”

Sometimes people attend because of the loss of a loved one, but then realize they are also grieving about other things, perhaps a failed career or broken marriage.

The Central Coast VNA and Hospice has served residents of Monterey, San Benito, and southern Santa Clara counties since 1951, providing more than 80,000 visits last year. Its services are available to all, regardless of race, religion, national origin or age. Whenever possible, reimbursement comes through Medicare, MediCal or private insurance; any fees are based on a person’s ability to pay.

Grief support groups are offered as part of this Hospice program which serves patients with terminal illness and focuses on keeping the patient (whose life expectancy is limited to six months) comfortable in the home rather than attempting to prolong life with aggressive treatment.

For more information or to register for a group, visit www.ccvna.com or call Joseph Lumello at (831) 758-8243.