Summer is almost over
– so I spent some time today tallying up my summer of 2007.
Summer is almost over – so I spent some time today tallying up my summer of 2007.
I yelled 10,982 times for Junior to please shut the front door/windows/sliding glass door because the air conditioner was on and contrary to Junior’s belief, we do not now nor have we ever owned any part of PG&E.
I spent 5,675 minutes sitting by the pool getting splashed by kids despite my firm rule that if I’m not wearing a bathing suit, nobody can splash me. I spent 45 seconds sitting by the pool without anyone daring to put one drop of water on me.
I played “horse” in the pool 393 times. I won “horse” four times. Junior cheated at “horse” 389 times.
I cut approximately 24 watermelons into child-sized slices. I also tossed away the rinds of approximately 24 watermelons after they were tossed on the lawn, in the rose bed, on the patio and basically anywhere in the backyard but the large garbage can sitting next to the table.
I recycled bottles from 64 cases of bottled water. It would have been more, but for some reason, several of the bottles made it into the trash can that was only supposed to be used for watermelon rinds.
I let the dog out of the house 50,867 times only to have her turn back around the minute the door closed and beg to be let back in – without once going to the bathroom. I swear to you, that dog has held it all summer long.
I watched “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” three times. Once in IMAX, which gave me a ferocious headache and a strong desire to mutilate the idiot who invented it. My eyeballs will never be the same.
I saved my microwave oven from ruin three times, after Junior decided to experiment by zapping a) 72 Jelly Bellies to see what color they would be when they all melted together; b) leather from the dog’s collar (without the dog attached) to see if it would melt; and c) his brand new shoes – which he left outside on the lawn during sprinkler time.
I yelled 529 times for Junior to stop leaving his skateboard/bicycle/waveboard/tennis shoes/scooter on the doormat because someone would trip on them. I put away Junior’s skateboard/bicycle/waveboard/tennis shoes/scooter 500 times. I tripped over the skateboard/bicycle/waveboard/tennis shoes/scooter 29 times.
I answered the statement “I’m bored” with “why don’t you clean your room/empty the trash/do the dishes/feed the dog/walk the dog/go swimming” 2,498 times.
I yelled “What are you kids doing in there” approximately 678 times, only to have Junior and his friends reply, “nothing” which every mother knows translates to “we’re doing something we don’t want you to know about.”
I said “no” to various questions/requests 15,498 times. I said “yes” 17 times. I regretted saying “yes” five times. I never once regretted saying “no.”
I washed 209 loads of laundry that contained clothing with a) ground-in mud stains; b) grass stains; c) ketchup stains; d) unidentifiable stains that could have been blood; and e) all of the above.
I spent 32 hours in the McDonald’s drive thru – despite the fact that I spent somewhere around three weeks total in the grocery store buying thousands of dollars worth of food. And yet, according to Junior, we still had “nothing good to eat.”
I stayed up until all hours of the night monitoring sleepover activity 10 times; four of those times account for the regretted “yes” answers.
I made an uncountable number of PB&J sandwiches, only to find half of them in the trash. I’m trying not to take it personally.
I spent way too many hours muttering to myself, “school starts Aug. 23, I can make it, I can make it.” In fact, I’m still muttering it.
