It all started the day my kids announced we needed a wide screen
television. Let me just stop right here and say that the words
”
wide
”
and
”
screen
”
alone may seem harmless enough, but trust me, when used together
in front of the word
”
television
”
your world, as you know it, will be changed forever.
It all started the day my kids announced we needed a wide screen television. Let me just stop right here and say that the words “wide” and “screen” alone may seem harmless enough, but trust me, when used together in front of the word “television” your world, as you know it, will be changed forever.
Oh, all right. Maybe I’m being a bit over dramatic here. But I’m not too proud to admit that the last time I bought a television there were two choices: black and white or color. I’m also not too proud to admit that I still own a typewriter, prefer to use a rotary phone, and that I’ll always ALWAYS refer to a CD as an “album” because everyone who was born in the ’60s knows that a CD is an account you get at a bank and not something that plays Fleetwood Mac because “you just can’t go around reusing old names for new technological advancements and expect everybody to keep up, you know.”
So you can see the kind of mental baggage I carried when I went to the local store to check out the wide screen televisions.
“Exactly what kind of TV are you looking for?” The young salesperson asked. “HG ready? 50 inch? Cable monitor? DLP? Rear projection or plasma?
“Well, do you have anything in, say, an antique black?” I said hopefully.
Suddenly his eyes lit up in the sort of way that hungry tigers do when they find cute, small, furry creatures. Then he launched into a 10-part lecture series on Everything You Need to Know about Wide Screen Televisions and Then Some. It went something like, “You can get a DLP then of course there’s LCD or you can go with wide-screen projection with a HDTV hook up and IntelliFocus digital convergence. But if you ask me I recommend with D-ila with 2 tuner PIP. Any questions?” He smiled at me expectantly.
“Well, if you don’t have black,” I tried again. “Perhaps you have something in a cherry wood?”
I thought I heard him sigh. Then he mumbled something vague about taking a phone call in a back room and I was left alone to browse through approximately 30 bazillion different kinds of wide screen televisions – all of which looked, at least to me, pretty much the same.
And, yes, a smart person would’ve gone home and waited for someone more knowledgeable to come with her. A halfway smart person would’ve at least researched what sort of brands are the best to purchase. But me, I spent all afternoon searching for a television in a color that would match my living room sofa.
The good news about this is that now I’ve become some sort of wide screen TV expert. I don’t want to brag or anything, but not only can I tell them apart, I’m proficient in Wide Screen lingo. I can sling terms like “DVI” and “plasma” and when I hear the phrase, “flat panel with rear projection and wide viewing angles” I know it’s only a technological description and not some kind of personal insult.
Oh, and what kind of TV did I get? Well, truth be told, I didn’t get one. But I did buy a nice cherry wood cabinet with black trim that goes perfectly with my end tables.
Now I just need to find the perfect wide screen television.
Perhaps something in a taupe?
