I’ve had it with zucchini. No more, can’t stand the stuff. I’m
even starting to turn green.
I’ve had it with zucchini. No more, can’t stand the stuff. I’m even starting to turn green.
Just about this time of year – every year – home gardeners begin to realize that the biggest problem with growing this prolific summer squash is trying to get rid of the stuff. While collecting my daily bushel harvest, I swear to myself that I’m never going to grow zucchini again. Then, come next spring, I’ll plant an empty six-pack with seeds.
After all, no one expects every seed to make it, right? But zucchini is the only seed in the known world that always has 100-percent germination.
It doesn’t seem to matter how much you use or abuse zucchini. They thrive on neglect and will keep on bearing all summer long – faster than you can keep them picked.
If you’re like me, I’m sure it’s not unusual to have watermelon-sized squash growing in the vegetable garden. All it takes is forgetting about them for a few days. Zucchini has to contribute more to an amateur horticulturalist’s ego than any other plant. It will make you resemble one of those do-it-all gardeners on HG-TV.
If you’ve ever seen your neighbor run inside their house when they see you coming, you know you’ve already overdone it with the zucchini giveaways.
You might want to try a favorite trick of mine. Leave a bag of zucchini on the doorstep, ring the bell and run! It works great with strangers, but friends are starting to catch on to the ploy.
They’ve taken to sitting by the front window in order to intercept my drop offs. I’ve now moved on to phase two of my zucchini give-away plan. I simply give the neighborhood kids wagon loads of the stuff. I sometimes feel a cringe of guilt when I see the next-door neighbor’s 3-year-old, proudly walking home with a zucchini in his arms to show mom. But I don’t feel guilty enough not to give it to him. The older kids have taken to riding and jumping their bikes over a few of the larger specimens. The first Zucchini Motocross in history? I wonder if Evel Knievel started this way? Roller hockey is also big in my neighborhood. I’ve found that immature zucchini doubles nicely as a green puck.
Earlier in the season, before the pressure started pitting neighbor against neighbor, there was cooperation concerning zucchini. When someone discovered a household that accepted it, he or she would mark an “X” on the front door and everyone would unload their zucchini there until that person’s kids turned green and the family pleaded for mercy.
A friend of mine panicked once and started stuffing zucchini in his mailbox and put the flag up. He received a rather nasty note from his mail carrier, saying it was some sort of federal offense or something.
Seriously, though, give away your zucchini if you have too much. St. Joseph’s Family Center in Gilroy, the Second Harvest Food Bank and more will gladly take your extra produce off your hands for their food giveaway programs. The Garden Writers Association is in its second decade of the enormously popular “Plant a Row for the Hungry Program,” which encourages home gardeners to plant an extra row for the hungry.
Keith Muraoka lives and works in Gilroy. He has written his award-winning column since 1984. E-mail him at ga********@*ps.net, or write him at P.O. Box 22365, Gilroy, Calif. 95021.
