I recently saw an advertisement for a
”
universal remote control watch.
”
The ad boasted that the watch controls most brands of TV, DVD
player, VCR, cable and satellite equipment.
I recently saw an advertisement for a “universal remote control watch.” The ad boasted that the watch controls most brands of TV, DVD player, VCR, cable and satellite equipment. I questioned whether a man really had a need for such a device. Imagine sitting on your couch, watching television with the remote control in your hand, and then bam, the channel’s changed and you’re now watching a different show. This interruption was brought to you courtesy of a walk-by channel surfer who just wanted to mess with you.
A story in my local newspaper stated that according to Nielsen Media Research, there are 2.73 TV sets in the typical home, compared to 2.55 people. Therefore, fights over the remote control and what to watch will go the way of the black-and-white TV set and become part of television history.
Back in the day when households had one TV set, it was the focal point for family gatherings. Families would wait for the set to warm up as they gathered around to watch their annual Christmas shows. The youngest in the family – or the one in the dog house – that day would be chosen Channel Changer. I believe this person grew up to invent the remote control.
However, the Channel Changer never held the position of Line Man. The job of Line Man usually went to someone older, someone with great physical ability and someone with a vast knowledge of curse words. He was called Line Man because it was his job to eliminate the horizontal lines whenever they rolled down the screen.
Physical ability was a requirement for this job because Line Man would often resort to hitting and perhaps kicking the set. As a result of physically assaulting the TV set, curse words would automatically flow from his mouth.
On occasion, Line Man would work with tin foil as he wrapped it around the antenna in hopes of better reception. At times, his physical stamina was tested when he was required to stand and hold the antenna at a certain angle so that family members could see a quarter of the screen. The only time Line Man got a break was during commercials.
Commercials were break time for Line Man – and relief time for the family. Before VCRs came along, families would wait for a commercial to use the bathroom. A family of six would rise from their seats around the one TV set, look at each other and run for the one bathroom in the house. Luckily, today, thanks to VCRs, a person can take a porcelain seat anytime during a show, and commercial-viewing will take a seat next to the black-and-white set in television history.
The modern family doesn’t wait for commercials to take a potty break. The modern family has multiple TV sets. The modern family may have a TV set in the kitchen or in the bathroom. If you watch television in your bathroom, you are the man in charge of the remote control. You are the man with all the power. You are also the man who must retrieve the remote when it falls into the toilet upon your ascent at the show’s end.
I now understand why certain men may need the universal remote control watch.
Cindy Argiento is a free-lance columnist who lives in North Carolina with her family. Her column appears weekly in the Gilroy Dispatch and Hollister Free Lance. She may be contacted at ca*******@*ol.com.
