Facebook and politics just don’t go together

Is it just me or has the lead up to this election lasted 500 years? No? OK, fine. Maybe it just seems like it’s lasted 500 years. And for this I blame Facebook.
Yes, Facebook.
Look, in the good old days (and by that I mean any time prior to 2004) politics was something many people didn’t discuss with the entire planet. Oh, we may have discussed it within our own families – unless, like me, you had a Great Uncle Felix who spent much of the ‘90s slapping anyone upside the head he believed may have voted for Bill Clinton.
And then along comes Facebook and suddenly I’m inundated with Big Bird memes, links to political websites, photos of women in binders, demands that I vote Republican/
Democrat/None of the Above. And I’m kind of sick of it, to tell you the truth. Hasn’t anyone on my friends list ever heard of the old adage, “politics and friends don’t mix?” Or did I just make that up in my head?
Look, the truth is, I’m totally missing the old days of Facebook when status updates included a picture of someone’s organic oatmeal breakfast and not a picture of sad Big Bird wondering if he’ll get funding next year.  I miss seeing the perfect parents posting pictures of their perfect children receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. I even miss the former coworkers who are posting weird vacation photos and LOL-ing about their crazy cats.
Honestly? At this point I’d give anything for Facebook to return to its former glory as a place where narcissists give me too much information about their date night. Wait. Maybe I don’t miss it that much. Not to mention that with a couple of my friends, there’s a very real fear that one day they will attach photos from date night. And that would be way, way too much information.
Anyway, I do think politics and Facebook are a bad mix. Check your timeline right now and you will more than likely see at least one thread with 45 replies about the presidential election. And I guarantee you that at least one person in that reply list will be storming off in a Facebook huff and unfriending someone.
And there’s at least one person on your timeline who has spent the last month updating his/her status 25 times a day begging you to vote for his/her political party. Or sending you links to blogs begging you to vote for his/her political party. Or sending you pictures of the horrifying happenings that will befall America if you don’t vote for his/her political party. Or threatening to leave America if you don’t vote for his/her political party.
And finally, in a last ditch effort to convince you to vote for his/her political party, that same friend will post a sad status update asking if he/she should be upset that most of his/her friends unfriended him/her during the month leading up to the election.  
Of course, you will only get that status update if you are a heck of a lot more patient than I am and you didn’t unfriend him/her at all.
The truth is, I genuinely like all my friends – even the ones that post about their cats or their date nights (without pictures; really, I cannot stress this enough). But I don’t want to be convinced, cajoled or bribed into voting the same way they do. Voting is a secret for a reason. It’s so we don’t have to disagree with people we otherwise like.
So join me as I celebrate Election Day by updating my Facebook status with a lovely photo of my dog eating breakfast. Because only by posting inane things to our timelines will we get back to our old America, where friends didn’t unfriend friends.
Also? If you keep posting political stuff on my timeline, I’m going to send Great Uncle Felix over to slap you upside the head, no matter who you voted for in the ‘90s.