By now you’ve probably heard about the man who put his family up
for sale on eBay for five-million dollars.
By now you’ve probably heard about the man who put his family up for sale on eBay for five-million dollars. And, if you’re like me, I bet this brought up all sorts of disturbing questions, questions that are still haunting me almost a year later. Like, for instance, “What kind of horrible, unfeeling father would do this?” And, “Is this what our money-hungry capitalistic society has driven us to?” And, most importantly, “Hey, why didn’t I think of that?”
Now, to be fair here, the man wasn’t going to just ship his family off to the highest bidder. No-sirree. Instead, he offered the winner “a lifetime of platonic companionship with invitations to family outings and holiday gatherings.” More of a patronage, really.
Call me crazy, but something about this just seems wrong. Perhaps it’s because of the obvious disturbing social implications. Or maybe it’s because I’ve always thought of eBay as more as a place to buy, say, used china and inexpensive designer shoes. But I think the real reason it seems wrong is that I can’t imagine anyone paying that much to be part of a family.
Take, for example, our last outing to the local Waterslide Park for some fun and – ha! ha! – relaxation. After we stood in line for 20 minutes and paid the $25 per person entrance fee, our day went something like:
My 11-year-old daughter: Oh. My. Gad. I’m not getting in that water.
Son: I’m bored.
Daughter: There are other PEOPLE in there.
Son: I’m really bored.
Daughter: Plus, it’s cold. I’ll FREEZE to death.
Son: I’m really, really bored.
Daughter: I’ll die in there. I’lll just. Die.
Etc.
However the idea of selling off your family does open up all sorts of intriguing fantasies. Like, for instance, could you sell part of the family?
Or could you toss in a surly relative along with your pair of old snow skis? Or a pesky neighbor? The list of potentials goes on and on.
And sure, it may seem a bit silly but, like the old saying goes, you can sell just about anything with the right angle. I mean, take a look at their ad description:
Start Off The Brand New Year With A Brand New Family. One attractive and stylish family of four (mother, father, daughter, son included). Father is a slightly balding, yet youthful, award-winning television writer, inspirational author, children’s novelist, and film director. Mother is a gorgeous, multi-lingual homemaker with a penchant for crafting and cookery.
Seven and 9 year old children are lovely and precocious, engaged in gifted school programs. A steal with a 5 million-dollar opening bid.
See, who can resist that? It’s a far cry from ours, which would go something like:
For sale: The Farmer Family. One athletic 8-year-old boy who’s good at soccer, but won’t eat anything green or wear shoes with laces. One versatile pre-teen girl with a flair for drama and an expert at the exasperated sigh and eye roll. Father is a handy computer programmer who’s able to set the VCR in less than 3 minutes. Mother is a petite 30ish-something writer, with a penchant for shoe shopping and drinking lots of coffee. Will throw in five cats, 12 sea monkeys and a Malibu Barbie.
Not that I would try this, mind you.
And what about the family for sale? Well, after all of the publicity eBay declared the whole thing illegal and made them retract their offer.
Oh, sure there’s a message in here, somewhere. Maybe it’s that not all things in this world are for sale. Or maybe it’s that you can’t put a price on love. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s that parents shouldn’t go around trying to sell their family on eBay.
Whatever the lesson, I can’t worry about it now. I’ve got to upload a picture of my mother-in-law before my husband comes home. Don’t get me wrong, she’s very nice, can bake cakes from scratch and can work a sewing machine.
Bidding starts at $2 million.
