With the remarkable diversity of today’s society, it’s not
unusual to be invited to religious events of faiths not our own.
Family members, business associates, neighbors–any of these are
likely to issue an invitation which has the potential for
awkwardness.
With the remarkable diversity of today’s society, it’s not unusual to be invited to religious events of faiths not our own. Family members, business associates, neighbors–any of these are likely to issue an invitation which has the potential for awkwardness.
An excellent new book attempts to provide tips on religious etiquette not covered by either Emily Post or Miss Manners. It answers the normal questions people might have when approaching an unfamiliar situation.
“How to Be a Perfect Stranger” (Skylight Paths Publishing, 2003, $19.95) was named by the “Los Angeles Times” as the best reference book of the year. The information in the book is based upon questionnaires filled out by clergy and other religion experts throughout the United States and Canada.
The major part of the book is a series of 29 chapters, each devoted to a different religion or denomination, arranged alphabetically from “African American Methodist Churches” to “United Church of Christ.” Included are these non-Christian faiths: Baha’i, Buddhist, Hindu, Islam, Jewish, Native American/First Nations, and Sikh.
Each chapter is organized in the same way: history and beliefs, an outline of the basic worship service, holy days and festivals, life cycle events (birth, initiation, marriage, funerals, and mourning), home celebrations.
Within these general categories is all the information needed to make a guest at another faith’s religious event feel comfortable. The book provides information such as how to dress for the occasion, expected behavior (“Will a guest who is not a member be expected to do anything other than sit?”), when gifts are appropriate, the amount of an average donation, whether to expect a reception with food, the acceptability of photography or sound recording.
For each religion a selection of “special vocabulary” words is provided. Examples are “Salat” for Islam (“prayer”), “Prasad” for Sikh (“pudding served toward the end of the service,” “Theotokos” for Orthodox (“Mother of God”).
“How to Be a Perfect Stranger” begins with a checklist, “Everything You Need to Know Before You Go.” It suggests reviewing the appropriate chapter and answering these “basic questions”:
• “How should I be dressed?”
• “What will happen during the service?”
• “What will happen after the service?”
• “Should I bring a gift?”
• “Will I be expected to participate in any way?”
This thorough reference work ends with three important sections: a glossary of common religious terms and names, a calendar of religious holidays and festivals (Hindu, Jewish, Muslim, Orthodox, Catholic, and Protestant Christian, Buddhist, Bahai, Sikh), and a final section offering “proper forms for addressing leaders of various faiths.” (Here is where I found something to quibble with: Although several honorifics were offered for Anglican/Episcopal clergy, the most common title for a male priest, “Father,” was completely omitted.)
Reading this book will go a long way toward increasing understanding among members of different religions and reducing anxiety about them. As the book’s preface states, “[It] comes at a time when airwaves and radio talk shows are dominated by those who would use religious faith as a cover for intolerance… and who cynically use the spark of faith to ignite culture wars and divide North America into bickering camps.”
Chuck Flagg teaches English at Mt. Madonna High School. Write him c/o The Dispatch, P.O. Box 22365, Gilroy, CA 95021.
