I hate going on vacation. Actually, I don’t hate vacations
– it’s hard to hate days of fun with family and friends – not to
mention the daily housekeeping service.
The truth is, I hate preparing for vacations, especially the
packing. Look, the packing thing is really easy when you are
single
– or even just a couple
I hate going on vacation. Actually, I don’t hate vacations – it’s hard to hate days of fun with family and friends – not to mention the daily housekeeping service.
The truth is, I hate preparing for vacations, especially the packing. Look, the packing thing is really easy when you are single – or even just a couple. You pack a swimsuit, a bottle of champagne, some shorts and shoes in your carry-on, and poof, you’re set for a trip to the islands.
But toss in a kid and all bets are off.
First of all, children do not travel light. You can’t just toss some stuff in a carry-on and hop on a plane. With a child, you have to pack like you are going to a foreign planet that does not have food your child will eat, toys that will amuse him or an accurate weather prediction system.
Seriously.
For a one-week vacation with a child to a tropical island, you must stuff your largest suitcase with 12 pairs of shorts, eight long-sleeved shirts, nine pairs of pants (two with zip-off legs so that they can convert to shorts if necessary), five sets of pajamas, four sweatshirts, 17 sleeveless t-shirts, two swimsuits, one pair of sandals, one pair of tennis shoes, three pairs of beach shoes, 40 pairs of underwear, 22 pairs of socks, a rain coat, a fleece jacket, a wetsuit, seven baseball caps with identical logos (because your child will lose at least one cap per day) and a toothbrush.
And that’s just for a tropical climate. Go skiing and you’ll need another suitcase just to hold seven pairs of snow pants, 19 hats with matching scarves and gloves and three ski jackets.
Your next largest suitcase will be packed to overflowing with toys. You see, no matter where you go – a tropical island, a ski resort or Disney World – you need to take toys to amuse your child. This is because even after a long day of surfing, riding Dumbo or swishing down the slopes, your child will become bored the instant you walk into your hotel room.
So you will need to pack a Game Boy, a video game console to attach to the hotel TV, several board games, dolls/action figures with their respective homes or urban assault vehicles, puzzles, LEGOs, books, a deck of cards, spare dice, magazines, a computer and of course, a portable DVD player complete with the entire Pixar film collection.
Your third suitcase will be packed with food. Look, no mother wants to go on vacation, arrive at the destination and realize that there isn’t one store around that sells her child’s favorite brand of granola bars.
Not having a child’s favorite snack on hand guarantees that your child will tell everyone who listens that it was the worst vacation of his entire life because he spent every waking moment wishing he was eating raspberry granola bars.
It won’t matter that he got to see a live volcano, dance with Goofy or finally tackle a black diamond run, it will only matter that he didn’t have access to those darned granola bars.
Of course, if you do remember the granola bars, your child will not eat any of them – he just wants the comfort of knowing that they are there, available for eating should he need them.
Which he won’t.
Now, if you have a baby, you need an entirely separate set of luggage to fill with baby food, diapers and every outfit in your baby’s closet. At this point, you will exceed the luggage limit on most major airlines, so I recommend shipping this stuff to your destination.
Not only are packages of butt wipes waiting at your hotel when you arrive, but also your kids can use the shipping boxes to build a fort. That should keep them amused until you can hook up the Playstation.
As for parents, well, there’s still that carry-on. I just hope you can fit your clothes and shoes, the camera, plane tickets, maps, and duplicate sets of clothing, toys and food for your child in it. Because if any of that luggage is lost, you are going to need those replacements.
Trust me. I speak from experience.
