Dear Gilroy Librarian,
I think I might be a fugitive. Actually, I’m sure I’m a
fugitive. I have a bunch of books that I’ve checked out from the
library and they’re a bit overdue. I’m really scared about this.
I’ve heard rumors that if you walk within 50 feet of the library
with an overdue book in your hands, the special overdue book
sniffing dogs will run out and bark at you until the SWAT team
finally shoots you to put you out of your misery.
Dear Gilroy Librarian,
I think I might be a fugitive. Actually, I’m sure I’m a fugitive. I have a bunch of books that I’ve checked out from the library and they’re a bit overdue. I’m really scared about this. I’ve heard rumors that if you walk within 50 feet of the library with an overdue book in your hands, the special overdue book sniffing dogs will run out and bark at you until the SWAT team finally shoots you to put you out of your misery.
I do get brave every once in a while and I drive by the library and make Junior run up and dump the late books off. I’m sure you’ve seen this. He’s the 11-year-old who jumps out of the running car, screaming like a banshee while a crazy woman driver yells, “Hurry or the dogs will get you!”
But the truth is, it’s not the late books that I worry most about. It’s the ones I’ve lost.
Take that Wizard of Oz book I checked out in 1986. I was going to return it but then my car broke down. Once the car was fixed I put the book in the trunk, but a month later I sold the car and the book was still in the trunk. It’s a 1974 Austin Marina and I think the new owners were named Smith. Or maybe Jones. I’m sure you’ll find them and then find the book.
And the 12 books on Irish politics in the ’60s that I used for a report in high school were really helpful books. And I think my mom still has them packed away in her attic in a box labeled “LAURIE’S STUFF. DO NOT DISCARD.” Next time I’m home, I’ll ask her if she still has them, OK?
Then there’s the one book on poetry I checked out during college. Honestly, I’m not a big fan. I just don’t get the appeal. But that book is in the bottom of my nightstand drawer and I donated the nightstand to Goodwill in 1990. But it was a really ugly nightstand, so they might still have it.
I do have three books on child rearing that I checked out when Junior was a baby. I could have returned them, but when Junior was little I hated taking him to the library. He confused books with food. And people would yell at me when my baby was crawling around eating “Green Eggs and Ham.” So they’re at the back of the bookshelf under the Star Trek books Harry thinks might be collectibles that we could sell on eBay. Don’t worry. The Star Trek books were bought, not borrowed.
I still have the book on Myspace safety. I need it because Junior hasn’t gotten around to being curious about Myspace yet and I’m afraid that if I do return it, when he does get on Myspace I’ll go to the library to check it out and find that some other mom is hoarding it to use for her child. Surely you understand that I’m only trying to be a good parent, right?
And that book on making toddler’s interested in vegetables? Wow, it worked great – you’ll be glad to know that my son loves his veggies. But it was so good that I lent it to a friend when Junior was in kindergarten and then she lent it to another friend and honestly, it could be in the hands of any mother in California by now. But you could view this as just a new age kind of library system, right?
Oh, and Junior checked out two books on Marco Polo this year for a report on a famous American (don’t ask). He accidentally threw one book away when cleaning out his desk at the end of the year. And the other one is sitting in the dining room, but I need it for just a bit longer. It’s the perfect size to hold a plant on the buffet and keep the water from ruining the wood finish. But don’t worry. The book looks fine; just a little upturned at the edges what with the water runoff and all. And the buffet looks great.
And I think that about covers it. Oh, there might be 10 or 20 more books laying around in the den that belong some library somewhere – but I don’t have any excuses for them. But if you need some, I’ll be sure to make some up.
