Everything I need to know about life, I learned through the role
of motherhood.
Everything I need to know about life, I learned through the role of motherhood.
From my grandmother (who lived with us while I was growing up), I learned that there’s no point in crying over spilled milk – just sop it up and pour yourself a new glass. Time after difficult time, I watched her choose to do what needed to be done without false heroics or a victim-mentality.
From my mom, I learned the importance of hard work and fiscal responsibility. When my folks lost their dairy farm and moved to Milwaukee, my mom got a factory job and worked the line right along side my dad. Then she handed over every penny of every pay check to my father. He in turn would give her cash for all the bills and groceries. I can still see her putting the stacks of dollars in a cigar box in the hall closet. And, I can still see her walking to the drug store to pay bills in order to save the cost of a stamp.
From my mother-in-law (one of the classiest ladies I know), I learned how to hold a family together no matter what and how to be a gracious hostess. She taught me how to set a proper table, plan a menu and follow an actual recipe from a real cookbook. And, she taught me how to find pleasure in being a stay-at-home mom (always there when my kids got home from school and at every baseball game or play). And, how to fiercely defend them when they’re attacked.
When I got to be a mom, the lessons continued!
From my son, I learned how to do math problems that, at first glance, I didn’t even know which way to hold the paper. He also taught me how to turn on and use my first computer and still gets me out of every jam I create. He’s also patiently tried to explain The Theory of Relativity to me (a couple of times, I almost got it but couldn’t quite hang on to my thinly disguised revelation long enough to repeat it.) I’m always thoroughly impressed with all that he knows about chemistry, physics, biology and technology. When I tell him that someday he’s going to discover something important and that he must remember to name it after me, he smiles.
From my spontaneous, social minded daughter, I learned how to swallow my fears, press against tradition and take chances. (Okay, okay, so I’m still working on those!) She’s repeatedly proven that a gal can laugh with her teeth showing, ask a guy for a date, pay her own way – and, still be considered a lady! Without her, I wouldn’t have a shopping partner or a friend who never tires of seeing Phantom of the Opera one more time. I know that someday she’ll be a famous journalist or author. Her face will be recognized and her words will be memorized. People will whisper, “Her mother must be so proud.” Those reading today will be able to answer, “She already is.”
The epitaph of a virtuous woman reads: “Her children shall rise up and call her blessed” (Proverbs 31: 28). Every once in awhile, I hear the faint sounds of my children practicing that scripted chorus.
Like the day I was late for work and asked Melissa to make me lunch. Hours later, I pulled out a carefully wrapped turkey sandwich sliced corner to corner, one cored Delicious apple, two Oreo cookies, a note and a scratch-n-sniff sticker. The note said, “Have a NICE day. I love you very much!” I don’t know where she found the sticker on such short notice but I know where she found the idea. They both received a note like that every lunch day from kindergarten to sixth grade. Laughing and laughing, heart aching with the love hidden in her deed, I did “have a nice day!”
They “rise up” when I see them realize their uniqueness and learn to wear themselves in ways that no one else can. When they recognize and receive words watered with optimism and let those seeds take root. When they believe that they have inherent gifts and instinctively try to find ways to use them.
They “bless me” every time I realize they’ve given me so much more than I could ever give them.
Bonnie Evans has lived in Gilroy with her husband Mike for 21 years. They have two grown children and a black lab named Pepper. Her volunteer work centers around end-of-life issues. To support her volunteer efforts, she teaches for Gilroy Unified.
