One of the things you probably didn’t realize about having kids is how your social life changes. You not only stop hanging out in places like department stores or nice restaurants or, in fact, in any place where people without kids might be, you have a whole new social circle.
One that’s mostly made up by a group of people you have absolutely nothing in common with. Except, that is, that they also are dressed in mismatched clothes with stains on the front. Yes, I’m talking about the Parents at the Park, which is often replaced by other groups like the Parents at the PTA and the Parents at the Soccer Games.
Now, don’t get me wrong. These are all a great group of people. In fact, the only difference between them and your pre-child friends is that your relationship isn’t based on flimsy, superficial criteria like sharing mutual interests or having a common background or anything like that. It’s based solely on, well, kids.
Take for instance my friend Carol, who I met a few years ago at the park. In the real world she’s a six-figure-a-year business attorney who negotiates corporate mergers and knows what terms like “supply chain integration” mean.
Had we met in our life-before-kids, our conversations would go something like this:
Carol: I just don’t understand how people can pass up the opportunity to add low risk muni bond funds to their retirement portfolio to hedge against the risk of a bear market. Can you?
Me: No way. Say, do you think that orange is really the new pink?
However, when we began hanging out at the park, all of this changed. Suddenly, she was simply Timmy’s mom, wearing sweats and tennis shoes and yelling at Timmy not to eat sand.
We discussed all sorts of earth-shattering issues like why, for instance, the kindergarten day only seemed 10 minutes long. Does time suddenly speed up without children at home? Is it some kind of trick? Or what’s the best way, exactly, to get your husband to take your turn driving the carpool without him realizing it? And on and on.
Another big plus about these parenting groups is that, for the most part, you can tell them anything and they won’t think you’re crazy. I mean, you can say something like, “I was going to take Robbie to see a professional baseball game in the city, but I figured if the ball was hit too hard it could come sailing right towards the upper level section, ricochet off a post, land on seats 33D and 34D and kill us both. So I took him to a matinee instead.”
And, face it, if you shared something like this to any of your old friends, chances are they would’ve looked at you with the same sort of expression that psychiatrists use. But your new best friends, The Parents at the Park, PTA or what have you, will all nod knowingly and compliment you on thinking ahead.
But the best thing about these parenting groups is that, after talking with them even for a short time, you usually feel much better about your own life.
Oh sure, this may seem petty and somewhat mean, and, well, it probably is. But that’s not my point. My point is that a place like the park is not only a place with swings and grass and trees, it’s a place that enables parents from, whatever walk of life, to connect with each other on exactly the same level.
Take, for instance, the mother I met the other day. I didn’t know her name or, in fact, anything much about her except that she had three kids, juice-stained tennis shoes and a stroller filled with mashed fishy crackers.
Suddenly she turned to me on the bench and said, “Tell me, what do you think about a 3-year-old kid who names the plunger Princess Fellina, dresses it in a Barbie gown and a toilet paper tiara and insists on taking it to preschool for sharing?”
I sensed the beginning of another beautiful friendship.
