For at least one Gilroy family, Memorial Day isn’t about
barbecues, parades and a holiday from work. Now, more than ever
before, it’s about remembering a son and brother who made the
ultimate sacrifice for his country.
For at least one Gilroy family, Memorial Day isn’t about barbecues, parades and a holiday from work. Now, more than ever before, it’s about remembering a son and brother who made the ultimate sacrifice for his country.
This Memorial Day marks the Ailes family’s sixth without their beloved son and brother. On Nov. 15, 2004, Lance Cpl. Jeramy Ailes was killed in Fallujah, Iraq. He was 22.
“We don’t celebrate like we used to,” said Lana Ailes, Jeramy’s mother. “Memorial Day has taken on a totally different meaning.”
This year, the Ailes are one of many families from across the country who honored their fallen children by contributing their stories to a book entitled “Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of the war share stories of courage, coping and faith”. These Gold Star parents – mothers and fathers whose children have died in military service – detailed acts of heroism and bravery in an effort to not only preserve the legacy of their children, but also to reach others who have made the same sacrifice. The book was released Monday.
Conceived by Gold Star mother Deborah Tainsh, “Surviving the Folded Flag” is a collection of essays from parents, a casualty notification officer and a former soldier.
In the years immediately following her son’s death, Ailes said she wasn’t ready to contribute in the way she has with the new book.
“For a long time, I wasn’t ready to do a lot,” she said. “I just felt like there was this burden on my shoulders. It was hard to do things. It was hard to write things. It was hard to think about things.”
Although time has dulled the pain, coping with a lost child never gets easier, Ailes said.
“It’s an everyday thing,” she said. “It’s always on your mind. There are days that are bad. There are days that are good.”
Now that several years have passed since her son’s death, the pain remains ever-present but bearable. Ailes said she was ready to help “in any way that I could.”
Her essay is “about Jeramy and every thing leading up until that day when the men came to our door,” Ailes said. “It’s about us and the experience we have gone through.”
Physically and emotionally draining, the experience of putting her family’s story on paper stirred up feelings Ailes wanted to forget.
“Going back through all those memories and putting them into words – that was hard,” Ailes said. “I would write a little bit, then stop and think about it. It would totally drain me.”
But even if it only helps one other family, the pain was worth it, she said. When nothing else helped, meeting families like their own did.
Ailes also plans to reach out to another family who lost a beloved soldier. The family of Army Staff Sgt. David Gutierrez, a soldier with Gilroy ties who was killed last Christmas in Afghanistan by a roadside bomb, will soon call Gilroy their new home. Ailes said she planned to get together with Gutierrez’s wife, Patty, and her three young sons once they settled in.
“You feel when you get together with these people, you’re all the same,” Ailes said.
