“Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.”
– William Feather
(1908 – 1976)
When you become a parent, you become subject to the Rules of Parenting. These rules aren’t written down, but they exist. They’re very real and very scary.
Take Rule of Parenting No. 163: Setting a Good Example. I hate this rule. You spend your entire childhood waiting to be an adult so you can do things that bend the rules – like running a red light when there are no cars coming. Or not eating every bit of broccoli on your plate. And then you become a parent, and suddenly, Rule No. 163 comes into play, and you have to set a good example.
I’m telling you, this stinks worse than a baby’s diaper right after his or her first dinner of chili.
Setting a good example is hard. It means you have to be on your toes at all times. After all, the phrase “monkey see, monkey do” is more about kids and parents than monkeys.
Let’s say you are sitting in your car, watching the gas gauge slowly sink toward the “E” as your car burns $62 worth of gas, while you wait for the longest red light on earth to turn green. And let’s say you consumed a huge iced tea just before you got in the car, and it’s making you a bit uncomfortable.
And then you notice the streets are empty, and you could probably run the red light just this once without endangering yourself or others. But you can’t. Because if you did, your child would remember that day forever as “the day mommy broke the law.”
And it won’t stop there. Your child will tell every kid he knows that his mom is a fugitive from the traffic police. And those children will tell their parents, who will form a posse to arrest you because they have to explain to their children that you were not setting a good example and that everyone has to wait for the green light, even if they are driving the last remaining car on the planet.
As for the broccoli, according to Rule No. 163, you have to set a good example and eat every bit of broccoli on your plate. I don’t care if you hate broccoli or ate broccoli every day for a year during a failed college science project. If broccoli is on your plate and your child is near you, you must eat it. And you must smile and say, “Yummy, yummy, I’ve got broccoli in my tummy.” And you must never spit it out into your napkin when you think your child isn’t looking. Your child is always looking.
Road rage is another example of, well, not setting a good example. Oh sure, you may think your child is too young to have the fine motor skills necessary for imitating certain hand gestures you may do while driving – but past experience has taught me that no child is too young. Your children may not have the dexterity to properly grasp a fork or write their name, but rest assured they’ll be able to flip grandpa the bird the next time he’s in the car with them. And grandpa will never let you forget it happened.
Swearing is another rule violation. Look, we’ve all done it. Some of us don’t intend to, and some of us figure we can get away with the old, “I’m an adult, you’re not,” thing. Personally, I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work. But every parent knows that there are some situations that just require the utterance of a really good four-letter word.
Let’s say you whack your thumb with a hammer. Now you can sit there with your thumb throbbing while the pain slowly takes control. Or you can dull the pain with a four-letter word. But let me tell you, it doesn’t matter if your child is three blocks away and you whisper that word in a voice so quiet not even you can hear it.
Your child – who usually has to be called in from playing by you screaming into a bullhorn from 20 feet away – will hear that four-letter word. And your child will repeat it in front of the school principal.
That’s why I try every day to set a good example. Or at least, that’s what I tell my child. After all, I’ve got Rule No. 92 to fall back on: “Do as I Say, Not as I Do.” I really like that rule.
