I’ll lend you for a little time a child of mine, he said. For
you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead.
”
I’ll lend you for a little time a child of mine, he said. For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead.”
Next week Jacqui and Craig Merriman will mark the anniversary of a date no parent would ever want to know. On April 4, 2006, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger ordered the flags at the State Capitol flown at half-staff in honor of their only son, Sean. He was killed in an accident while working with the California Transportation Department to make U.S. 101 safer.
CalTrans was a huge presence at Sean’s funeral, and his fellow workers still honk and wave when they drive by the Merriman home. They have often stopped by during the past year to check on Jacqui and Craig.
The San Jose CalTrans Yard on Queen’s Lane is now dedicated to Sean. Those who worked side by side with him have created a garden there that includes his favorite plants of purple verbena and spruce, along with his name and white hard hat.
“I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return, but there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn. I’ve looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes, I have selected you.”
“I’ve known very few people who were able to love unconditionally,” Jacqui remembers. “But Sean saw the good in others, no matter how they looked or what their circumstances. Sean once brought home a young man he found sleeping in the cemetery, and we cleaned him up. He lived with us for about six months until we found a home for him.”
“For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may; and for the happiness we’ve known, will ever grateful stay.”
“Sean was such a gift to us, but it was at his service that I realized what a gift he had been to so many,” Jacqui says, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “People that I didn’t even know talked about things that he had done for them.”
“But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we planned, we’ll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.”
On bad days, Jacqui watches old family video footage of Sean, so she can hear his voice again and enjoy his sense of humor. His mementos are all over the house: a rock he brought back from a camping trip, artwork he made for her, a note that says, “I love you.”
She often goes over the lines of the poem written by Edgar Guest called “For All Parents” that you’ve been reading here. Jacqui first read it in the Dispatch 34 years ago at a time when she had been told she could never have children. She carried the poem with her all through the difficult times of trying to have children, which finally culminated in the miracle of giving birth to Sean. The poem hangs in her art studio, and she often re-reads it when she goes there to seek solace in her painting.
Jacqui and Craig have lived in the same house in Gilroy for nearly 40 years, and have known some of their neighbors for that long. They want to say thank you to all who have helped them get through this past year. “It’s everything that has helped us, no matter how big or small – the whole picture. It’s Sean’s friends dropping us a card or calling; it’s the people of St. Mary Parish; it’s the surprise birthday party given by St. Joseph’s (where she used to work feeding the homeless); it’s hugs from my little street guys; it’s the person who comes to see us for a minute. It’s knowing that if we need anything, people are there for us.”
“It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three, but will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me? He’ll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief, you’ll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.”
“One day at a time is all you get,” Jacqui says. “We can’t possibly thank everyone, but all these things that people have done for us turns our grief into the joy of having had Sean for 32 years.”
“We’ll shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may; and for the happiness we’ve known, will ever grateful stay.”
