Spring Break Day 1: Planned day filled with adventure and fun.
Ended up with day that started at oh-dark-hundred when the dog
escaped from Junior’s room, entered mine and gleefully woke me up
by sticking her tongue up my nose.
From the journal of Laurie Sontag:
Spring Break Day 1: Planned day filled with adventure and fun. Ended up with day that started at oh-dark-hundred when the dog escaped from Junior’s room, entered mine and gleefully woke me up by sticking her tongue up my nose. On the plus side, will not need to use nose hair trimmers for several months, if ever again. On the not-so-plus-side, every time I take a breath I smell dog food. Need aspirin to make it through the day.
Spring Break Day 2: Thank goodness today is Saturday. Plan to abandon the kid with the husband so I can go to the 10th Street shops and get some desperately needed retail therapy. Plan is foiled by husband who determines that kid should clean up after dog and mow lawn. Do not understand why this prevents me from stimulating the economy but go along with it because I’m too lazy to protest. Also, think the aspirin I took as a precaution this morning has numbed my brain.
Afternoon update: After stepping in dog doo for the 12,000th time today I realize why someone has to supervise kid picking up after dog. Can only surmise my son has a rare disease that enables him to see 20/15 at the optometrist’s office, thus not needing glasses. However, once he leaves there the disease causes a strange blindness that only allows him to see a basketball hoop and video games, but never, ever dog doo lying on the freaking patio in full sight of the entire planet. Consume more aspirin.
Spring Break Day 3: Dog doo seems to be cloning itself as am finding more and more on the patio and in the rocks near the fountain. On the plus side, went to Easter dinner with family friends. Shockingly, the kids ordered large dinners, ate nothing and then loitered outside the restaurant annoying patrons, all while texting one another despite the fact that they’re standing right next to each other. On the super-duper plus side, was able to consume several large, adult drinks. Don’t even mind the dog doo now.
Spring Break Day 4: After being banned from the house, Junior and friends have dragged the basketball hoop out onto the driveway. By noon, the basketball has been repeatedly thrown into a) the newly planted lavender; b) the side of the house; and c) the street. It has not, however, made it into the basket more than three times. I may not live to survive this.
Afternoon update: Receive Facebook post from friend advising Ketel One and Valium to survive spring break. Search entire house, but all I can find is Crystal Light and Zyrtec. I am doomed.
Spring Break Day 5: The basketball has hit the side of the house approximately 43,789 times. I need retail therapy and I need it now. Take more aspirin instead.
Spring Break Day 6: Omigod. It’s only Wednesday. I give up. I puncture the basketball and allow all the kids into the house.
Afternoon update: Apparently all children in neighborhood are here practicing with the cast of “Stomp the Yard” for a dance off. I now have massive headache and am wondering how much aspirin is too much?
Spring Break Day 7: Junior has friend over for play date. Am reminded repeatedly that he is a teenager and I should never say the words “play date” again. Whatever. Apparently playing basketball, watching video games and going to the movies is now boring and there is NOTHING TO DO. Dang. The aspirin bottle is now empty. Search all bathrooms for a desperately needed aspirin. Do not find one. Come to horrified realization that my head may indeed explode.
Spring Break Day 8: Start day off with stunning hope that there are only three more days of hell left. Bubble is burst when I realize that two of those days will be spent with my parents. Make quick trip to Costco for more aspirin before seeing mom and dad.
Spring Break Day 9: Parents shockingly normal. They don’t blink an eye when Junior bounces the basketball against my grandmother’s home 52,000 times. Am starting to believe my mother has a secret stash of Ketel One and Valium. Must find it.
Spring Break Day 10: Am exhausted, but find energy to do 300 loads of laundry and go grocery shopping. Find hope in fact that tomorrow Junior is back at school. Made it through entire day without aspirin. I may survive this after all.
