Sabrina Hudson is a svelte young redhead. New to Walnut Creek,
she’s been asked out on numerous dates since she moved to the area
a few months ago. One potential suitor left her speechless with
this opening line:
Sabrina Hudson is a svelte young redhead. New to Walnut Creek, she’s been asked out on numerous dates since she moved to the area a few months ago. One potential suitor left her speechless with this opening line:
After licking his finger and pressing it to Hudson’s shirt, he said: “Damn, baby, I need to get you home and out of those wet clothes.”
Hudson walked away, laughing hysterically. When it comes to lines, she prefers a simpler, less sticky approach.
“Offer me a drink. Engage me in a conversation,” Hudson says. “Act like you’re not trying to get something in return.”
Probably a good idea. But is there also a science to pickup lines? Psychologists at the University of Edinburgh think so. They conducted a study where women rated 40 vignettes showing a man’s character, culture and humor, among other traits, and found that the sexes don’t meet eye to eye on the best way to approach a woman.
The study, which appeared in a recent Personality and Individual Differences journal, found that men overestimate the effectiveness of sexually loaded remarks, and underestimate the power of humor, a woman’s preferred icebreaking method.
Singles say sexual or simply cheesy pickup lines – the ones involving fathers who steal stars from the sky and put them in daughters’ eyes – are dead. Icebreakers and conversation starters are the way to go.
“Guys are thinking they have to make some huge impression,” says Jeannine Kaiser, a Danville-based dating and relationship coach. “But most women are impressed by a sincere, straight-forward guy.”
Recently, Staci Nicole Lyons, of Hayward, was turned off by a guy at Oakland International Airport who told her she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Minutes before, she’d heard him say the same thing to another woman.
“Just be genuine,” says Lyons, who is in her 30s. “Say something I know you didn’t say to someone else five minutes ago.”
Her friend, Fatima Yanes, of Fairfield, responds to the unassuming approach. At a salsa club in Los Angeles, she and her friends noticed a handsome stranger sitting by himself. Eventually, he walked over to Yanes’ table and asked the women permission to buy them a round.
“That’s classy,” says Yanes, also in her 30s.
If ever there’s a time when actions speak louder than lines, it’s in approaching an intriguing stranger. So practice chivalry, Kaiser says.
“Women still look for gentlemen,” she says. “Open doors. Offer up your seat. It makes a difference.”
Humor, too, can yield excellent results, but it’s a risk, she says. After all, you don’t know what makes them laugh, or tick, for that matter. Exercise caution and steer clear of potentially offensive, or, even worse, sexual innuendoes.
“You’re trying to find something you can connect on,” Kaiser says. “Most of the things that are sexual are a huge turn-off. It’ll get the woman thinking, ‘Who do you think you are?'”
Mario Madrid, of Santa Rosa, who’s in his 20s, used to rely on gems such as, “I seem to have forgotten my phone number. Can I have yours?” until he realized that a simple compliment and inquiry, such as, “What’s your name?” elicits a more positive response.
His friend, Ken McCarthy, of San Ramon, also in his 20s, does the same.
“Most girls are so aware of pickup lines that you have to be unique,” he says. McCarthy eschews yes/no questions for open-ended ones: “How are you doing tonight?” or, “What do you think of this bar?” gets a girl’s attention.
Freddy Sanchez, of Walnut Creek, is a fan of authenticity.
“I just try good conversation,” says Sanchez, 26. “I may ask a girl her ethnicity. Show her that I’m curious. That usually gets things going.”
At the bars, Corey Norris, of Pleasant Hill, has been known to press his cold drink gently against a passing woman’s arm. That’s before he met his girlfriend, of course.
“She approached me,” adds Norris, 25. “She said, ‘Do you want to dance?'” Norris did.
Yanes also has been known to drop a line on a guy. If she finds someone attractive and he smells nice, she’ll tell him so. “You’re hot and smell great,” she has said. The men are usually flattered, Yanes adds.
Kaiser advises women to ask men open-ended questions, something to solicit a conversation and let them know the interest is there.
“It’s really tough being a guy,” she says. “They’re constantly being rejected. But if a woman lets the man know that there is some level of interest, it can be a win-win.”
Tuncer Kaya, of Concord, is interested in getting to know a woman. That’s why you approach them in the first place, he says.
A native of Turkey, he asks them about career, travel and hobbies. He would never rely on a physical compliment or offer to buy a woman a drink.
“It’s a little tacky,” he says. “I would never say you have a nice this or that. I don’t look at their bodies. I’m a gentleman.”
