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Let's get one thing straight from the get-go: I do not like

I'm not sure how it happened, but apparently I have failed as a parent just by virtue of being American. According to the latest parenting trend, many cultures are better parents than Americans - ergo, I am a parenting failure (and yes, in case you were wondering, I have been waiting years to use the word "ergo" in a column).

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I took up jogging yesterday. Not on purpose. I saw a spider.