I admit it; there are a lot of things in this world that I don’t
understand. I don’t understand how feng shui works, I can’t fathom
how to make my own curtains out of sheets and even getting on the
information super highway still manages to confuse me. But, really,
I’m fine with that.
I admit it; there are a lot of things in this world that I don’t understand. I don’t understand how feng shui works, I can’t fathom how to make my own curtains out of sheets and even getting on the information super highway still manages to confuse me. But, really, I’m fine with that.
What really bothers me is that I’m completely confused by the entire video game system – a system that most kids have mastered by the time they can roll over in their crib. Now before you start yelling at me, I’m not saying that babies should be going around playing Grand Theft Auto 3, but the fact of the matter is that they could if they wanted to. And somehow that just seems wrong.
Now, let me just stop right here and say, it’s not the individual games that are confusing. Noooo. It’s the bazillion different systems that you can play video games in, that boggle my mind.
Frankly, I’m not sure how I’ve managed to have two school-aged children and remain this ignorant for so long. Sure, I could say it’s because I didn’t allow any video games in the house. Or that my children were busy participating in loftier activities like educational television on hands-on science projects. But that would be a lie. The real reason I’m confused is that to the untrained eye, all video game systems seem somewhat the same, much like John Tesh CDs or gourmet cheese. Plus the player machines bare a striking resemblance to the VCR, which I don’t fully understand either.
If you don’t believe me, let’s take a look one of my recent trips to the video store to rent a game. First, let me warn you that this is something you should never do if you 1) are bad at decisions 2) have anything better to do or 3) are on prescription medication for any kind of anxiety disorder.
My son and I were immediately confronted with all sorts of choices. There were games for Play Station 1, Super Nintendo, Play Station 2, Game Cube, X Box, Game Boy Advance, Game Boy Color, Nintendo 64 and on and on. This was not only confusing, but it also brought up all sorts of intriguing questions. Like, for instance, where in the heck is Nintendo 63 and 65? And why a 64 and not, say, a Nintendo 78? Will there ever be a Play Station 3-99? Or a Y box? Or a Game Girl?
After several minutes of intensive scrutiny, my son said that none of these games would work. Not because they were too violent or graphic, but because, you see, we own a Nintendo player. The eight-track of video game systems. And, for some mysterious reason, the one or two games that word work on it were already checked out.
This hardly seemed possible so I approached the counter and said to the clerk in my best take-charge kind of voice. ”Do you have something in a Sponge Bob that would work on a Nintendo system?”
You have to marvel at a life that can bring a rational human being to say that and make perfect sense.
”Is that Advanced, Color, 64, or Cubed?” she asked.
”Just the plain one.”
She giggled then disappeared into the back room. A few minutes later she emerged holding a Beta Max videotape and what looked like the original version of Pong.
Somehow I should have seen this coming. But rather than admit defeat, I did what any clever and slightly desperate parent would do, I changed my goal.
”Pick a movie,” I whispered to my son.
And, he did. After considering every movie in the store at least twice, he finally made a choice. Several, actually. He wanted to rent both ”Tomb Raider” films, ”Super Mario Brothers” and, of course, ”Tron.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.
