I do not like New Year’s resolutions. What happens at the stroke
of midnight on New Year’s Day 2007 that suddenly makes the person
you were in 2006 so bad that you have to spend an entire year
working to change yourself?
I do not like New Year’s resolutions. What happens at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day 2007 that suddenly makes the person you were in 2006 so bad that you have to spend an entire year working to change yourself?
Of course, having said that, you must know that even though I hate New Year’s resolutions, I do actually write them. I don’t know why. I think it’s peer pressure. My friends do it, so I must also do it. Now that I think about it, it’s exactly that attitude that got me into a lot of trouble in high school.
So you’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now, after all I’ve been out of high school for twen – um, 10 years or so. But no, I haven’t. Sadly, I continue to try to reinvent myself every year. But this year I was determined to do something different. To not give into peer pressure.
So this year, instead of my resolutions, I did some research and found the top 10 New Year’s resolutions. And when I found them, I figured why not use them? After all, everybody else does or they wouldn’t be the top 10, right? Yes, I know I’m giving into peer pressure again, but I just can’t help it. Some habits are hard to break.
No. 1: Lose weight. Sadly, I will never accomplish this resolution because I love food. And it loves me so much that it sticks to my butt and never leaves no matter how much dieting I try to do.
No. 2: Stop smoking. Done. Wow, that was easier than I thought. I just accomplished a resolution with no effort whatsoever. Of course, I don’t actually smoke, but still. It was on the list, and I did it. So it must count, right?
No. 3: Stick to a budget. I’m not sure exactly what that budget thing is, but I resolve to actually make sure I have money in the checking account before I spend it. You know, this is going to be tough resolution, but I think I can do it. Maybe.
No. 4: Save more money. What’s save mean? Does it mean buy more stuff on sale? I can do that. In fact, I’ve already accomplished this resolution several times this week. And I plan to accomplish it even more after next payday.
No. 5. Find a better job. Oh, please. What’s better than motherhood? I mean, where else could I find a job that involves driving, arguing, shopping, food preparation, house cleaning, teaching and entertainment management and not get paid? Hmmm. Maybe there’s something to this resolution after all.
No. 6: Become more organized. This is the resolution that frightens me the most. I am a terminally unorganized person. I love stuff. I can’t throw away anything. I have Junior’s baby bibs, for Pete’s sake. They’re stained and stinky and I keep them because how on earth could I just toss them out in the trash? They’re treasured pieces of my baby’s history. I know, I know. I need help.
No. 7: Exercise more. One more resolution done. I just walked from the den to the kitchen to get a piece of chocolate. That’s more exercise than I’ve done in weeks. And of course, putting the chocolate in my mouth counts as arm curls. Or whatever that exercise is called.
No. 8: Be more patient at work and with others. What? Are you kidding me? I am so patient, I define patient. I just dare you to find a more patient person than me. Well, hurry up, I’m waiting. You can’t find one, can you? Ahem. Maybe I could use a little work in this area.
No. 9: Eat better. Fine. From now on, I will order the Fillet of Fish instead of the Big Mac. After all, fish is better for me than red meat.
No. 10: Become a better person. Well, heck how vague is that one? Become better at what? Empathy? Tennis? Beating up my neighbor? Gee whiz. Some specifics would be nice.
Well, there you have them, the top 10 resolutions. I don’t know how many I can do – but you can bet I’ll try. I’m signing up for tennis lessons right after I finish my fried fish sandwich and hit the sale racks at Target.
Laurie Sontag is a Gilroy writer and mom who wishes parenthood had come with instructions. She can be reached at la****@la**********.com.
