Whether it’s playing board games, taking vacations or simply
having dinner together, spending quality time with family is
important to building a loving home, experts say
What are your kids doing right now? Who is their best friend? What does your child do during lunch time at school? If parents don’t know the answers to these and other questions about their children, they may not be spending enough time together as a family. And without quality family time, children are at higher risk for substance abuse problems and behavior problems.
“It’s common knowledge that spending more time with children can decrease problems with children later on,” said Carol Johnson-Schroetlin, a clinical psychologist and the behavioral health clinical supervisor at San Benito County Mental Health. “Family time together decreases the risk of children getting into trouble with drugs, alcohol and getting involved with the wrong peers.”
A study of high school seniors found students with warm, supportive parents had more satisfactory peer relationships, were less prone to aggression, had lower levels of depression and drug abuse and had higher grade point averages, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ substance abuse and mental health services administration.
One of the first ways to start incorporating more quality time into a family’s routine is to arrange for everyone to be home for dinner every night and having family discussions at the dinner table, Johnson-Schroetlin said.
“Sometimes (dinner) can be a big ordeal because families are going in 15 different directions, but slow things down, share about your day, have dialogue, ask what your kids have been doing, who they are playing with,” she said. “Initially, it can be awkward, but it will become a routine.”
Another step in making sure the time spent with family is quality is by recognizing and acknowledging it while you’re doing it, said Morgan Hill family counselor Donna Cohen Cretcher.
“You have to cherish the few moments you have,” she explained. “When you’re sitting at the dinner table together, recognize it as a special time. And make sure family time is family time, not a time when your kids invite their friends over or the neighbor comes over.”
Other activities to do during family time may include playing board games, going to the park to throw a Frisbee, playing basketball or going for a car ride somewhere such as Monterey, Cohen Cretcher said.
“I spend time playing with my kids, reading to them and we have dinner all together at least a few times a week,” said Yvonne Quilici, a Gilroy resident and mother of two. “We also go to the park and play outside – that kind of thing.”
Interaction is a key part of quality time, and activities such as watching television or playing video games are too distracting, Johnson-Schroetlin said.
No matter what the activity is, it should be scheduled in advance and not a tentative idea, Cohen Cretcher said.
“We plan everything in life, so we have to plan this time together,” she said. “Everyone will follow their sports schedule or their personal schedule, but we need to put a schedule intact for our families.”
Families can either have a set family night, such as Sunday night, or they can take each week as it comes and plan for whatever night is best, Cohen Cretcher said.
“It’s much more difficult when the kids are teenagers and become more mobile, but that’s when it’s even more important,” she said. “I know it’s tough. Not only am I a family counselor, I’m the mother of three.”
When you’ve scheduled quality time for your family, use it to check in with everyone, Johnson-Schroetlin said.
“Once you’ve made the time, you’ll be able to talk to kids about what’s troubling them, and you’ll have the opportunity to notice when your child is quiet or distraught, and you can ask them about what’s wrong,” she said.
Instead of asking kids simple yes-or-no questions, such as “how was your day?,” ask something more open-ended, such as “what did you do during recess today?,” Johnson-Schroetlin suggested.
After children are grown and out of the house, some of their fondest memories may come from the quality family time their parents had set aside, Johnson-Schroetlin said, and they’ll use similar parenting techniques if they eventually have children.
“Children look to their parents for everything,” she said. “It’s how they learn to be in the world.”
Quality Ideas for quality Time
– Learn a new hobby together, such as gardening, building model airplanes or learning to quilt.
– Read to your children. Discuss what you’re reading and share opinions.
– Go for a walk, do a puzzle or play catch together.
– Create a circle story. One member of the family starts with “Once upon a time …” and continues with the opening to a story. Then they pass the story on to another family member who has to pick it up from the place the previous person left off, then stop and pass it on to another family member.
– Have a relaxing vacation without a busy agenda. Spend time on the beach together talking. Or, if at a theme park, use the time waiting in line to talk to your family.
– Cook a meal together, and let children help plan the menu.
– Have a family game night. Play charades, board or card games, and take the opportunity to not only talk with children, but to teach them to be good winners and losers as well.
– Go for a family hike or bike ride, or go on a picnic.
– Have a family movie night where you watch only home movies.
– Volunteer somewhere as a family.
– If it’s OK with the school, surprise your children by taking them out for lunch on a school day.
– Have campouts in your backyard.
Sources: www.familieswithpurpose.com and http://family.samhsa.gov
