Some 80 years ago, President Calvin Coolidge made Father’s Day
official.
In those 80 years, things have changed. Dads combat current-day
helter-skelter, and they do get flummoxed more than once. But there
are a few things about fatherhood that never change
– like what makes a good dad.
Some 80 years ago, President Calvin Coolidge made Father’s Day official.
In those 80 years, things have changed. Dads combat current-day helter-skelter, and they do get flummoxed more than once. But there are a few things about fatherhood that never change – like what makes a good dad.
There are a lot of takes on what qualities a good father has, but they all seem to revolve around the same basic tenets: being there when the children need him, listening, and most of all, just spending time with the kids.
That’s good not just for the family, but for society as well, according to Pastor Miguel Arias of Gilroy’s Apostolic Assembly Church of the Faith in Jesus Christ.
“Law enforcement has proven through studies that the majority of children in trouble don’t have a strong father figure,” he said. “Some fathers are even in the home all day and don’t interact with their children.”
But being a good dad is not easy.
“A good father is someone who works hard at nearly everything,” said Craig Morris, a dad from Gilroy. “You have to work at being a good dad, a good husband, and a good employee, whatever you are doing. The temptation to be selfish is the biggest obstacle.”
He and his wife Emily have been married for 22 years and have three daughters, Jenna, 20, Caroline, 16, and Hanna, 15.
To show his daughters how men and women can interact in a healthy way, Craig takes his daughters on their first dates – to dinner and a movie.
That’s an important step in keeping the lines of communication open, something Emily emphasized.
“Go anywhere – to the hardware store – and take your kids,” she said. “You’ll have time to communicate, even if it’s only 10 minutes.”
Jenna, a student at California State University at Monterey Bay, noted her father’s ability to keep his cool.
“Dad says he was put on this earth to serve us,” she said. “Dad can get flustered, but that doesn’t stop the patience.”
Craig Morris talks to his father-friends to get advice on raising kids. One of them is Frank Delgado of San Martin, who, with his wife, Michelyn, and children, Khristin, 16, Macey, 6, and Corbin, 3, lives on a small farm.
“What impresses me with Frank as a dad,” said Michelyn, “is that he’s always willing to take his time with the kids. He loves to cook. He’s patient enough to let the kids participate.”
Delgado said he is fortunate because he has a flexible schedule.
“Being a good dad,” Frank Delgado said, “means being there and being as much a part of their lives as you can.”
And making sure kids get the proper guidance is important, said Imam Ilyas Anwar, prayer leader for the South Valley Islamic Community in Morgan Hill. He has two sons, Abdullah, 18 months, and Ahmad, 4 months.
“I think children don’t always learn today from their parents, and what they learn outside is incorrect,” he said.
Hamdy Abbass, a Hollister father, agreed.
“A father should be an ideal figure that his children can go to for guidance,” he said.
Abbass and his wife Magda came from Egypt years ago. They have two daughters, Heidi, 20, and Amy, 17.
“Dad is open-minded and understanding,” Heidi said. “Society is very different in Egypt, and it might expect Dad to be stricter.”
Some fathers must do the work of a missing parent, balancing home and job without the help of a partner.
“Being a single dad opened my eyes,” said Sean McEachin of Hollister who won primary custody of his daughter, Kourtney, 12, and son, Kenny, 8, after a divorce four years ago.
“In the eyes of most, the typical father is a disciplinarian, a provider, there only for the fun times,” he said. “Now I have to be there for the nurturing and wounds, taking them to appointments, the things mom normally does. It possibly made me a more sympathetic person. Being there for your children, the pain and happy times, is important.”
A lot of men don’t get the chance to spend so much time with their children. Working long hours eats into that time, negatively affecting their relationships with their children, said Donna Cohen Cretcher, a family counselor in Morgan Hill.
She and her husband Len Cretcher, a technician, have dealt with the problem by splitting their work shifts – he works early; she works late.
“It’s a positive trend that women are working because it allows men to spend more time with their children,” she said.
Larry and Kirsten Carr of Morgan Hill are also a two-career couple. Larry works full-time as a director at Stanford Hospital and Clinics, and Kirsten is director of the Gilroy Visitors Bureau. But life and priorities changed with the arrival of children, Larry said.
“Larry is willing to play with them on their level and loves them unconditionally,” Kirsten said. “He’s a good father.”
And fathers can learn something from their children, too. Pastor Matt Valencia of Calvary Chapel in Gilroy remembered when his son Matthew was almost 4 and trailed lipstick through the house.
“He had a smile on his face which faded when I said ‘no,'” he said. “My son’s smile melted, and he held up his hands, and I hugged him. I had a glimpse of how the Lord loves me and how I should love my son.”
Gilroy mechanic Anthony Torres is grateful to be a father.
“Every day is special to me with my family,” said the father of Anna, 2, and Blanca, 1. “Every day I thank God for my wife, Zulema, who is a beautiful lady, and two beautiful daughters.”
But the most important thing a father can give his children is love, said Gerardo Zuniga of Morgan Hill, the father of Heidi, 13, Isabell, 11, and Malina, 7.
“They can buy a lot of things with money,” he said, “but they can’t buy love.’
Words of wisdom for dads
“Being a good dad is always being there and putting the family first.” – Mark Mason, Gilroy dad.
“Don’t lose your temper.” – Dick Simunic, Morgan Hill dad.
“A good father should teach his children good things at an early age.” – Imam Ilyas Anwar, prayer leader for the South Valley Islamic Community in Morgan Hill.
“If a dad’s not listening, he’ll chase his kids away.” – Tony Bravo, a church youth leader from Gilroy
“Read bedtime stories every single night.” – Fred Schenkelberg, Morgan Hill dad.
“So many fathers just come home and go back to work. I would have to say his involvement in family makes a good father. The vast majority of my clients are single mothers who have no one to turn to.” – Kathryn Baro, coordinator of the Family Advocate Program at Community Solutions in the Gilroy office.
“The number one statement I hear from parents of graduating high school seniors is, ‘I can’t believe they have grown up already.’ One of the most precious gifts you can give your children is your time.” – Pastor Max Hudson of Shadow Mountain Baptist Church in Morgan Hill.
“Keep a balance between your job, your personal relationships, and your parenting.” – Pastor Anita Warner of Advent Lutheran Church in Morgan Hill.
