By E. Corinne Byrd
What keeps us from achieving all that we can be, have or do?
One menacing obstacle is fear of failure. Even though it is
nothing more than a mental block, its repercussions seep into all
facets of life. Unproductive fear causes us to downwardly adjust
our aspirations. Fear promotes self-doubt, saps energy and smothers
passion.
By E. Corinne Byrd
What keeps us from achieving all that we can be, have or do?
One menacing obstacle is fear of failure. Even though it is nothing more than a mental block, its repercussions seep into all facets of life. Unproductive fear causes us to downwardly adjust our aspirations. Fear promotes self-doubt, saps energy and smothers passion. When fear totally derails your confidence to move forward, it’s more than an esoteric enemy, it’s a liability to be reckoned with. How can we shed the dark-Darth-Vader force of fear?
Dissect and confront fear logically, as if you were an adviser looking at the situation from the outside. Educate yourself on the goal in question, ensuring you have adequate facts, but be careful not to get stuck in research mode or what if gear. Move toward a well-informed decision. That may mean pushing yourself to make that call or whatever it is you’ve been dreading. Welcome the uncomfortable feelings, since anticipation will keep you sharply focused on what you’re trying to achieve. (Think in terms of anticipation instead of fear.)
Recall other trying circumstances you’ve previously conquered. What did you specifically do that helped you get through those times? Did you remind yourself you indeed had whatever it took to get through the day, the week? Perhaps your coping skills helped you re-frame thoughts of “disaster” to “challenge,” or “opportunity” instead.
My husband and I have a home at the coast and the road to our house runs at times, right next to breathtakingly steep drop offs. When I’m riding with him, I think he drives too fast and gets too close to the edge. Of course I’m sitting on the passenger side and from that perspective, it looks as though I should prepare to meet my maker any moment. One day instead of gasping and muttering, “Assume the crash position,” I stared out the passenger window head on toward the edge of the steepest ravine. I wanted to know if we were to fall off, just how far would we go? It wasn’t nearly as treacherous as I thought. I’ve since re-framed my thoughts to: “We’ve driven that road a thousand times and never gone over once.”
I’ve found comfort in formulating mental power plans, deciding in advance I’ll handle it, whatever “it” is. If my house floods, I’ll move. If my husband leaves, I’ll get counseling. Whatever happens, I’ll manage. Even though there may be times we’d rather hide under the bed, getting control of our thoughts means getting control of our lives.
Use mistakes and unhappy moments as learning opportunities. Thomas Edison never considered his 10,000 efforts to get the right combination for the incandescent light filament to be “mistakes.” Trying is part of the learning process, part of progress. Some of the most successful people in the world have a litany of setbacks. Move past honest mistakes, and don’t beat yourself up.
Bottom line is sometimes we have to risk making mistakes, looking foolish, or being rejected to get what we really want. Set failure anxiety aside and pursue your goals fearlessly.
