Just when you thought the upcoming presidential election
couldn’t get worse
– it does.
Yes, folks, we have a new candidate. One with vision. One with
flair. One with her feet conveniently molded into the shape of her
high heels.
Yes, it’s Barbie.
Just when you thought the upcoming presidential election couldn’t get worse – it does.
Yes, folks, we have a new candidate. One with vision. One with flair. One with her feet conveniently molded into the shape of her high heels.
Yes, it’s Barbie.
I know. It’s shocking, isn’t it? Just when you thought you had a handle on whom to vote for, Barbie tosses her very stylish hat into the ring and all bets are off.
Honestly, we should have seen this coming. After all, Barbie’s had more than 90 careers and not one has been President of the United States of America.
Look, if you’ve been a brain surgeon, a model and a dog walker, it’s only natural that you would want to try the presidency on for size.
And Barbie is just the doll to run.
Say what you will, but Barbie brings a wealth of experience and style to her “Girls Action Agenda” platform. In fact, just the sight of Barbie, dressed in her official “Barbie for President” red pantsuit, red, white and blue scarf and black shoes with her sleek “serious candidate” hair, will drive many people to the voting booth.
Of course, they may be under 18 and unable to vote – but at least they will be there.
And Barbie’s platform of creating world peace, helping the homeless and the poor and saving animals is certainly refreshing.
Most politicians only say they are going to do something about world peace, but as a former UNICEF Ambassador, Barbie may be just the gal to actually do something about it.
And it’s not like she’s inexperienced in other areas of her platform, either – as a former veterinarian and current world-champion shopper, Barbie understands life and death animal medical emergencies and she certainly realizes that the fastest way to a healthy economy is to shop ’till you drop.
What more could we want from the next leader of the free world?
Okay, sure, we could hope that our next leader is actually human and not an empty-headed blond doll whose nickname is “Sunshine Cali,” but I ask you – are the alternatives any better?
Of course Barbie is plastic, but we’ve had other politicians who were just as fake and they got elected – no, I’m not naming names.
And maybe the debates will be difficult – after all, one of Barbie’s aides will have to pull her string before she can speak – but again, haven’t we had politicians where you suspected that was happening?
And I don’t think there is any truth to the rumor that, if elected, Barbie will paint the White House pink and call it “Barbie’s Pink Palace of Public Policy.” And even if she did – would you care?
Now she might have to overcome some of the negative publicity she endured when breaking up with Ken, her boyfriend of 43 years.
And yes, I’m sure that people in America’s heartland may not be happy when they see her new boy toy, Blaine, a buff Australian surfer whose main claim to fame is not having Velcro hair.
But truthfully, the only problem I see for Barbie would be her choice of running mate.
First, there’s Skipper.
Now Skipper has been her friend and confidante since the 60’s. As a matter of fact, when Barbie was a vet, Skipper was the assistant. When Barbie was a model, Skipper, well, Skipper was one, too.
But I just can’t see Skipper as vice-president. I think it’s the whole name thing. I mean, just how seriously do you think world leaders are going to take a woman who willingly calls herself Skipper?
And Barbie’s other close gal-pal, Midge, isn’t a good choice either. Frankly, ever since Midge became the first 11-inch doll to get pregnant, there’s been controversy as to whether she’s married to the boy doll with which she is packaged.
But I think those are small drawbacks. After all, she has aisles of dolls to choose from and any one of them would be happy to be Barbie’s running mate.
So, the next time you are sitting on the couch, watching CNN and trying to make your choice for president – just remember, there’s always Barbie.
And she’d appreciate your vote.
