So now the latest incarnation of Why It’s So Terrific That We’re
In Iraq is being hammered home on a daily basis by the Cheney/Bush
ticket and it goes like this: We’re in Iraq so we can fight the
terrorists there instead of fighting them here. You hear this all
the time now, with an increasing chorus from the newly-converted;
OK, so WMD rationale didn’t fly, and the nuclear weapons program
was a bust, and the connection to Al Qaeda isn’t panning out, and
Saddam-the-Mastermind is being replaced with
Saddam-the-Doddering-Dummy, but hey, we got a new one to hang our
hats on.
So now the latest incarnation of Why It’s So Terrific That We’re In Iraq is being hammered home on a daily basis by the Cheney/Bush ticket and it goes like this: We’re in Iraq so we can fight the terrorists there instead of fighting them here. You hear this all the time now, with an increasing chorus from the newly-converted; OK, so WMD rationale didn’t fly, and the nuclear weapons program was a bust, and the connection to Al Qaeda isn’t panning out, and Saddam-the-Mastermind is being replaced with Saddam-the-Doddering-Dummy, but hey, we got a new one to hang our hats on. Yeah, it’s terrible that we’re taking all these casualties and gee, we haven’t seen any pro-American demonstrations in Baghdad for quite some time now, but at least Bush has the terrorists tied up over there because if they weren’t, they’d be here on our doorstep.
It almost seems to make a deranged sort of sense if you don’t think about it too hard, but if you do you just gotta wonder, how exactly does that work? I mean, we can certainly go to Iraq ourselves, but are there rules to this? Like, if we’re there they have to show up? I’m trying to envision a terrorist giving an interview …
“Yeah, well, we were all set to go to the United States, had our reservations and everything and you know, we were gonna hang there for a year or so, whatever, and then we were gonna do some terrorism. But just before we were gonna go to the airport we decided to watch some television, but the soccer game was already over and The Bachelor was a rerun so we flipped over to Al Jazeera and this guy was saying that Bush said they were doing the war in Iraq so they could fight the terrorists there instead of in the United States and we were all, like, whoa – imagine our embarrassment. Like, we were about to go to the totally wrong place – good thing we got the word before we, you know, really screwed up, so we all switched our plane tickets from Miami to Fallujah.
Close call, man, I mean, like, there we’d be in the United States being terrorists and there’s Bush fighting terrorists in Iraq instead of where we were, so we’d like be out in left field, you know? It would just be so bogus. And now it’s like a movement; all those groups the Americans call sleeper cells that have been there for years blending in with the population, you know, following the soaps and learning to like Pop-Tarts and Ikea furniture and stuff, they’re all leaving. I mean, we think committing acts of terrorism, as in a small number of people inflicting random violence on unsuspecting and unprotectable targets is important, but it’s even more important to wage tried-and-true conventional warfare against a vastly superior force using tactics for which the enemy is trained and we’re not, at a time and location of the enemy’s choosing. So if Bush says we have to fight America in Iraq, what choice do we have?”
Yep, makes perfect sense, assuming the terrorists are all slackers and morons. We should be so lucky.
