My husband,
”
Jerry,
”
works with three completely unprofessional women. They send
e-mails about sex and try to trick male coworkers into viewing
Internet porn. One of their e-mails said
”
meet the new employees,
”
then showed a bunch of strippers.
Q:
My husband, “Jerry,” works with three completely unprofessional women. They send e-mails about sex and try to trick male coworkers into viewing Internet porn. One of their e-mails said “meet the new employees,” then showed a bunch of strippers.
I think these women enjoy embarrassing Jerry, who is very shy. They’ve said “it’s funny to see him turn red.” He says they get on his nerves, but I think he likes the attention.
After reading one of these racy e-mails, I blew a fuse and told my husband to put a stop to this nonsense. He says he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings, but I believe that my feelings should be more important.
Jerry and the “desperate housewives” work in a separate building, so management has no clue about these activities. I don’t want to appear jealous or insecure, but this seems totally inappropriate. What do you think?
A:
Your husband may be a willing participant, or he may be a victim. But either way, the company has a legal problem, and you have a marital problem.
This raunchy revelry is not only immature and unprofessional, but also legally unacceptable. Any offended party could readily claim to be in a sexually harassing work environment.
If Jerry is too cowardly to confront the lascivious ladies directly, then he should muster up the nerve to go to human resources. The HR manager will appreciate the heads-up. Jerry might also consider finding a more grown-up place to work.
But if he refuses to take any action, then your husband is enjoying this flirty game. In that case, start looking for a qualified marriage counselor to help the two of you sort things out.
Q:
Recently, a coworker’s highly inflammatory e-mail was accidentally forwarded to both me and the owner of the business. I got quite upset, because the e-mail contained disrespectful and libelous remarks about me.
The owner told this person to apologize, but that never happened. Now he has sent another e-mail defaming my character and professional skills. I have forwarded this message to the owner.
I can’t continue to sit back and take these malicious comments. Do I have grounds to tell the owner that he should terminate this employee?
A:
Take a deep breath and try to calm down. You seem ready to challenge this guy to a duel over a couple of e-mails. And he actually may be enjoying your outrage.
You’ve already told the owner how you feel. And told him again. If you keep telling him, eventually he’ll tire of hearing it.
Since your colleague is behaving like an angry child, your best countermove is to act like a mature adult. Try to unearth the real issue with an actual conversation, not an e-mail exchange.
For example: “I can tell from your e-mails that you’re really upset with me. If I’m making your job difficult somehow, I want to try to resolve the problem. What would you like me to do differently?”
Give him a few minutes to rant, then continue to probe for the business issue. But if no business issue exists, you’re simply dealing with an immature individual who’s not worth this expenditure of emotional energy.
