Well, the race to the recall is over and we have a new
governor
– and it’s not my dog.
Well, the race to the recall is over and we have a new governor – and it’s not my dog. Now, I don’t think it’s Carnie’s fault that she didn’t win. I mean, in a field with 135 candidates, a few not-very-juicy scandals, a bunch of allegations about special interests and the Terminator, one little dog can’t be expected to run to victory.
I think Carnie ran a good campaign. I mean, she had a lot working against her. She doesn’t speak English – heck, she doesn’t even speak. And she’s not human – that’s really a huge deficit when you want to be governor of a state that is actually run by humans. But I think she did well.
Of course, there was that scandal that broke late last week. Some newspapers printed a story alleging that Carnie was a “sniffer.” And I have to give Carnie full credit. She came out. She faced the cameras. She barked to the world that yes, she had sniffed inappropriately in the past. And no, she wasn’t too picky about what she sniffed. Humans, other dogs, an old PB&J she found under Junior’s bed.
But that was in her younger days. When she was a young pup with no worries, no family and no governorship on the horizon. She doesn’t sniff much of anything now – except maybe those PB&Js Junior hides under the bed.
And when those same papers alleged that she had used them for training purposes, what did my dog do? She faced the cameras again – and blamed the whole mess on me. But it was true. I made her use the paper. I even scolded her when she didn’t use it. But again, that was when she was a young pup and didn’t know about the joys of fire hydrants.
Of course, the allegations that she hated Lassie were hurtful. I mean, she’s a DOG. All dogs hate Lassie. That dog is an attention pig. Look at it from a canine point of view. Here’s this hairy beast of a dog and every week Lassie’s owner gets into some sort of mess, thus allowing the hairy beast to rescue the kid. Come on. Doesn’t that sound a bit suspicious to you?
I mean, how stupid is that kid? He’s constantly getting stuck in wells or lost in caves or something. To other dogs, it smells like a setup. Who has an owner that dumb? And where are this kid’s parents anyway? Real parents would be grounding him because he doesn’t get it – wells and caves are not playgrounds. And rumor has it that Lassie is really a boy masquerading as a girl.
Try running for governor with that skeleton in your closet.
But all that is behind Carnie now. The governor’s race is over, and Carnie didn’t win. Sure, she’s still a little angry with the candidate who made fun of the way she barked “California.” And that crack by a pundit about the state going to the dogs was hurtful. But all in all, I think Carnie is relieved that the race is over and she didn’t win.
Now she can get back to the things that matter in her life. The small section of lawn in the backyard that she hasn’t managed to yellow. The smell of old, stale PB&J under Junior’s bed. The dish of lamb and rice mush that she gets every night. And her smelly old bed next to the fireplace.
And, of course, she could run again – after all, now she’s an experienced candidate. Not to mention a reformed sniffer.
