Choosing the person to share your deepest fears and darkest
secrets isn’t easy, so do a little research before you settle,
local therapists say
In an ideal world, someone you trusted – a close friend, relative or professional – would be able to point you toward the perfect therapist for a problem, someone with open appointments, affordable sessions and a perfect personality, said Vicky Tamashiro, assistant program director for Chamberlain’s Mental Health in Gilroy. But the real world doesn’t quite work that way.
“In reality, especially in the South County, there are not a lot of choices for therapists, especially if you’re looking for someone specialized,” said Tamashiro. “Every therapist is going to be different, too.”
For residents in need of help, that means doing a bit of the searching themselves, but opening up the phone book makes “not a lot of choices” seem a lot more complicated. To begin downsizing your list, the best place to start may be your health insurance company, said Patricia Ayers, director of outpatient mental health at Community Solutions in Morgan Hill.
Though much of the social stigma surrounding therapy has dissipated in the last two decades, according to Tamashiro, many people are still uncomfortable asking
friends and relatives for recommendations, said Ayers.
“You can ask, ‘Have you ever been to a therapist?’ or ‘Do you know someone who is good?'” Ayers said. “You can even ask if there’s anyone they wouldn’t go to,
but a lot of people just aren’t comfortable being that direct. Calling your health provider or your employee assistance group can help narrow it down to two or three who might be a good fit.”
Call each therapist to see if they are accepting patients and can fit you into their schedule, said Ayers. Remember to ask about costs for the visits, and schedule an initial appointment if they fall into your price range.
“Sometimes therapists will give a free consultation, but not always,” said Ayers. “I wouldn’t go to someone just because they offered a free consultation and I wouldn’t turn down someone if they didn’t offer one. Some therapists don’t think they’re ethical, but you want to get an idea of who you’re going to feel most comfortable around.”
When evaluating whether a therapist is right for you as an adult, don’t feel that you have to shy away from questions, said Tamashiro. You may ask if therapists have had experience with your particular problem, if they feel comfortable with your case and how long they have been in their field, she said.
Ask therapists if they are licensed, said Ayers. The state’s Behavioral Board of Sciences (www.bbs.ca.gov) provides data on licensed therapists, including their license status and any pending complaints.
In the case of children, parents will usually want to meet with the therapist before introducing their child to the person, Tamashiro said. Go over the child’s history and problems, and feel free to ask therapists about their credentials and licensing, she said.
“The kind of question I would ask them would be what their experience was in speaking with children,” said Tamashiro. “Do they specialize in any particular area – preschoolers, adolescents, eating disorders? Every therapist, whether they admit it or not, has a preferred area. If you walk in and their office is completely sterile, they may not be that into treating kids.”
Parents should talk about the therapist’s methods of treatment, too, said Tamashiro. Therapists should tell them what kind of plan they have for proceeding, how much they plan to involve the parents and whether they are open to family sessions, she said.
In the case of adolescent children, the question of what a therapist shares with parents may grow more complex, Tamashiro said. Parents should discuss with the therapist the types of details that will be passed on from conversations with their children, she said.
“If they’re going to be telling you what your child says – if they’re having sex or taking drugs – those boundaries should be discussed up front,” said Tamashiro. “The last thing you would like to do is have your child talk to someone and start opening up, then have a parent not hear what they want and say, ‘Well, you’re not going back there.'”
Therapy patients should feel free to ask how long they should expect to be in therapy, even if they don’t receive a definitive answer, said Ayers, and if your instincts say a therapist can help, keep going. If it doesn’t work out, don’t feel bad, she said.
“Two excellent therapists can work with people very differently because of their personalities, and this is someone you should feel you can share your innermost thoughts and feelings with,” said Ayers.
If you decide not to see certain therapists again, politely tell them that you won’t be seeking their services any longer and, if you feel you would still like to talk with someone, ask them for a list of recommendations in the area, said Tamashiro.
