The next time you feel the urge to show off your whack rhyming
skills and rip into one of your former co-workers, go for it – but
please be responsible.
The next time you feel the urge to show off your whack rhyming skills and rip into one of your former co-workers, go for it – but please be responsible.
That’s this week’s message from Casual Friday compliments of the Big Aristotle of basketball and Big Aris-awful of freestyling, Shaquille O’Neal.
By now you’ve probably had the misfortune of watching his vomit-inducing rant against former Lakers teammate Kobe Bryant on YouTube.
To hear the future Hall of Fame center ripping into Bryant was worse than watching Kazaam and playing Shaq-Fu with Fred Durst on split screen.
The opening lines say it all.
“Check it. You know how I be.
Last week, Kobe couldn’t do without me.”
Shaq, of course, was dissing Kobe for not finishing the job against Boston in the NBA Finals – what a difference an overpaid, washed-up 7-footer would have made.
Five years after Bryant spearheaded Shaq’s departure from L.A. following the Lakers’ loss to Detroit in the 2003 finals, O’Neal’s disdain for Kobe hasn’t lost any diesel fuel.
“I’m a horse.
Kobe ratted me out. That’s why I’m getting divorced.”
You can defend Shaq all you want for hating Kobe, but Shaq’s rap was a sound bite with bad taste; a detriment to both sides, as cheap shots usually are.
It was funny for about half a second, the Cas’ admits, but after that, it became a grudge-driven rant that quickly wore out its air time. He calls out Patrick Ewing, calls out Karim Abdul-Jabbar and, in the end, calls out himself.
In a matter of two minutes, Shaq goes from the goofy one-line dropper, backboard breaker and free-throw bricker we all loved, to a pathetic, bitter, classless old man who can’t let go of the past.
In the end, it’s O’Neal – not Bryant – who’s looking more like the immature egomaniac in this once dormant feud. Kobe has moved on from the dynasty breakup, Shaq has not.
“You couldn’t do without me.
Kobe, you couldn’t without me.
Kobe, you can’t do without me.”
Next came the explanation. Shaq told ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith he was “freestyling,” which according to sources, means to make up rhymes as you go along.
“That is what MCs do,” O’Neal said. “They freestyle when called upon.”
Punch the man who made that call.
It’s funny, in the video, you can hear people in the crowd shout some of the lyrics before Shaq does (see the first chorus). It’s further proof there’s not a shred of MC talent in Shaq, just like there’s no issue between him and Kobe. Issues require more than one person doing the smack talking.
O’Neal was brought to poetic justice Tuesday when Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said Shaq would lose his special deputy’s badge – the one that lets him rescue mascots while drinking Vitamin Water.
Shaq, tell me how that tastes.
It’s a miracle NBA Commissioner David Stern hasn’t stepped into this mess yet. O’Neal deserves at least a $50,000 fine for his remarks – that’s the typical amount NBA players and coaches are fined for making remarks against the league. Shaq’s rap falls on similar ground. It’s a hit to the character of the league, which last time Cas’ checked, wasn’t doing so hot.
