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You know how you read the stories in the paper of poor, tortured souls who board a plane for a one-hour flight and six hours later they are still sitting on the tarmac in a plane full of people who have not eaten anything but a piece of wood disguised as a granola bar and whose deodorant has failed thanks to the hot, Texas sun and the lack of A/C in the sweltering plane? And you know how you always think, “I hope that never happens to me?”

If it's irreverent, if it's politically incorrect, if it's this

While making my New Year's Resolutions – which I most likely won't keep – I ran across an article written by some happy, feel-good doctor that said we shouldn't make resolutions. Instead, Dr. Feelgood said we should focus on our accomplishments from the previous year.