How do you respond to colleagues who ask a lot of personal
questions?
Recently, I had to take vacation on short notice to care for my
sick daughter-in-law.
Q:
How do you respond to colleagues who ask a lot of personal questions?
Recently, I had to take vacation on short notice to care for my sick daughter-in-law. Before I left, my co-workers kept asking where I was going and whether my husband was going with me. I managed to dodge the questions, but their nosiness caught me off guard. How should I handle this in the future?
A:
People vary greatly in their willingness to share personal information. Some are intensely private, while others happily prattle on about every detail of their lives. When these two types work together, misunderstandings often arise.
To prevent conflict, highly inquisitive folks need to get a grip on their curiosity, and extremely reserved people must learn to deflect inquiries politely. One useful technique is to answer honestly, but briefly. For example, an appropriately vague reply to questions about your “vacation” might be “Oh, we’re not going anywhere. I’m just taking time off to do some things at home.” If pressed for details, simply say you’re not doing anything interesting, then change the subject.
You must realize, however, that “where are you going?” is a normal response to any mention of vacation. In fact, people headed for exciting leisure destinations might be offended if no one inquired about their plans.
If you had been taking sick leave, that would be an entirely different matter. Co-workers should never ask prying questions about a colleague’s illness or family difficulties.
Q:
We have a boss who doesn’t act like a boss. Although he listens to our suggestions, he never follows through with them. He seems hesitant to involve upper management in any issue. This is driving us crazy, so your advice would be appreciated.
A:
Unfortunately, you seem to be working for a wimpy manager. Because these timid souls are chronically anxious, they avoid any action that might become controversial or attract executive attention. To overcome this inertia, you will need to reduce the fear factor. One approach is to solicit support before presenting a proposal to your boss. If influential people seem to favor the idea, his participation will seem less risky.
When the stakes are high, you must clearly convey the hazards of doing nothing. If you can convince him that inaction is the more dangerous course, your manager’s resistance to change may suddenly disappear.
To accomplish results, you may occasionally have to assume some risk yourself. When your manager’s hesitation presents a serious roadblock, consider the time-honored tactic of “asking forgiveness instead of permission,” which simply means acting first and advising management later.
Obviously, this strategy requires good judgment.
A less risky alternative is to send your manager a heads-up email. For example: “I wanted to let you know that I’m planning to meet with the marketing department on Wednesday unless I hear otherwise from you.” If your boss really hates conflict, he might just be too wimpy to disagree.
