”
I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work 15
and 16 hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms
of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak
the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and
hard work by the simple eloquence of his example.
”
~ Mario Cuomo
“I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work 15 and 16 hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his example.” ~ Mario Cuomo
One of the hardest parts of parenthood is knowing what to say to your kids, when and how much. But when it comes to fathers, maybe the best messages are not spoken at all.
Think about this: Children are surrounded by women, who are most often the early caretakers. Once children enter school, the vast majority of educators are women. These women are everywhere. And they’re always talking. And this doesn’t really change until college when male professors dominate the scene.
On a daily basis, fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, uncles and such serve as examples of how to live, work and have fun. And all three of these activities are important. Sometimes fathers feel like they’re discipline machines, passing out orders and ultimatums ad infinitum. But, like Mario Cuomo points out above, it’s the working example that fills many children’s memory banks.
When I look back on my childhood, I remember my dad coming home late in the dark, smelling of grease and gasoline, the mechanic’s cologne. We would keep dinner warm for him and, after his shower, he would sit at the kitchen table and eat. Even though he worked long hours, he always wanted to hear about our days.
If we had received graded papers from our teachers, we put them in a pile next to his plate. After dinner, he would look through each one, asking questions, critiquing our writing and offering help on problematic math problems (of which there were many). We always knew he cared about us and wanted us to excel.
We remembered this even on days when his military side came out, when he was barking orders and bemoaning our inability to plow a straight line. When we got in trouble with our friends, the solution was manual labor, pulling weeds or fixing fences. “No rest for the wicked” took on new meaning with my dad.
But he knew how to play, too, doing back flips on the lawn, scaring the wits out of us on dark nights when we were tent-camping in the back yard with our friends, exploring new places on long trips. We shopped for candy, kicked around the soccer ball and stayed up too late watching re-run Westerns.
So I guess if you asked me the most important attribute for a father, I would say it’s balance: trying each day to balance discipline with fun, involvement with silent support, and expectations with acceptance.
A father’s approval is priceless. A father’s love is all-important. And, as the old English proverb says: “One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
• Sharing their dads: I was lucky to receive three excellent descriptions of great fathers from some of our young readers. Here’s a summary of their thoughts:
Meghan Jennings, age 7, wrote in to share some thoughts about her stepdad, Greg Bettencourt of Hollister: “Daddy makes me laugh when he tickles me, dances with me and makes funny faces. We love to go crawdadding together, just me and dad. Soon we’ll have to bring my brother (Lucas, 20 months), but not yet.
Daddy loves me being his daughter. He helps me when I’m hurt. He feeds me well, plays ball with me and drives a fire truck. My daddy makes the best ribs. I can’t give you the recipe because he says it’s a secret. He won’t even tell me – but he makes them for me whenever I want … I am proud of my dad because he takes care of me and my family. He helps us clean the house. And he tucks me in at night.”
Two other young readers, Caroline Marie Kounanis, age 8, and Nicholas Alexander Kounanis, age 6 1/2, e-mailed some thoughts about their dad, Ron Kounanis of Gilroy: “Our dad is special because he has always made the time to coach us in sports – three years of soccer and two years of T-ball. He likes to cook us his special pancakes on the weekends and we get to help him cook! Our dad’s pancakes are the best.
We are proud of our dad because he is an all around great guy. He loves us and our mom and takes good care of us all.”
Randy Jenkins, 10, of Morgan Hill, had this to say about his dad, Fred: “My dad’s name is Fred and he is 41. I look just like him, only I’m younger. He drives a truck for work so sometimes he is far from home. He calls me every night no matter where he is. When he is home, we play ball, watch the ‘Niners on TV and do work outside. He barbeques a lot in the summer, mostly hamburgers. But I love hamburgers so it’s OK. He is a really good gardener. He comes to all of my events at school and takes good care of my family. That’s why I’m so proud of my dad.”
Thank you to all who wrote in about their dads! It was really fun to read all of your stories and thoughts!
• And now, I think we still have room for one recipe. It comes from Fred Jenkins (thanks to Randy for rifling through his recipe drawer). This serves two, or it can be doubled or tripled for a larger crowd.
Fred’s Three-Pepper Steaks
2 1/2 tablespoons bottled steak sauce
1 1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme
1 teaspoon drained green peppercorns in brine, chopped
1/2 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 T-bone steaks (each about 12 ounces)
Prepare barbecue (medium-high heat). Blend first 5 ingredients in small bowl. Sprinkle steaks on both sides with salt. Spread 1/4 of pepper sauce over 1 side of each steak. Place steaks, sauce side down, on grill. Spread top of steaks with remaining sauce. Grill steaks until cooked to desired doneness, about 5 minutes per side for medium-rare. Transfer steaks to plates.
This week’s tip
Next time you make baked potatoes, make a few extra. The next day, make baked mashed potatoes. Heat the potatoes in a 200 degree oven until just warm, scoop out the flesh, then beat hard with salt, pepper, nutmeg, and just enough buttermilk to make the mashed potatoes fluffy.
Notes
• Kick it up a notch … If you really want to pump up the flavor of chicken broth, brown the bird about 30 minutes at 400 degrees before you add it to the stock pot — and leave the skin on. To boost the flavor still further (and also to enrich the color), substitute 1 cup canned vegetable juice for 1 cup of the water..
• Did you know … Cut up tomatoes, onions, and cucumbers for a summer salad, sprinkle with salt, and leave them in the bowl half an hour to give up their delicious juices. Blend these juices with the dressing for extra flavor. ~ Barbara Kafka
End notes: “If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a 50 percent chance of being right.” ~ Bill Cosby
Happy cooking!
