Thanks to the serious drought in California, Harry and I are doing a bit of remodeling in our Gilroy backyard.
Last week, Elon Musk announced that the Tesla would soon be able to drive itself. This is so exciting. I mean, for people who own Teslas…which obviously doesn’t include me.
Lately, I have spent an inordinate amount of time on Facebook, taking quizzes to discover what Disney princess I am. For what it’s worth, I am Pocahontas, which honestly is a bit disappointing because I don’t like the wilderness. Or trees. Or little critters that may or may not talk to me.
The other day it occurred to me that I could solve the world’s problems with one invention. I’m talking ALL of the world’s problems. OK, maybe not every single one. Possibly, we can exclude world hunger from the list of things I can solve. And world peace may be too lofty a goal for me. And I may not cure any diseases. But trust me when I say, I can move mountains by inventing one thing: The sarcasm font.
Every four years the entire planet goes bananas about soccer. Except the United States, of course. Because while the entire planet is obsessed with football, we are not. Well, not the soccer kind of football at least.
From time to time, I do stupid things. Oh, they don’t sound stupid before I do them—but they end up stupid. Take the last month or so, for example. We decided to paint the outside of our house, which would be awesome, except we have No-no Lulu, the dog from hell. Basically, if you don’t live with her, she will bark at you. And bark at you. And bark at you. Until you are deaf or until you leave, whichever comes first.
Kirby and No-no Lulu look calm and innocent - but in reality they are just taking a well-deserved break from their full-time job as the neighborhood hounds from hell. This job includes barking at anything that moves (from tree leaves to the tiny white dog down the street whom they both hate for reasons which are not known to me), stealing the left shoe from every pair I own, eating the teenager’s socks, sitting on the living room furniture when nobody is home and attacking the TV when a dog comes on. In their off time they enjoy sitting on that couch, which is fairly new since No-no Lulu ate the last one.
I am always in awe of people who speak more than one language. Frankly, mastering English was a bit of a stretch for me (and yes, using the word “master” to describe my language skills is also a bit of a stretch). In high school, I spent three years in Spanish class. Three. Miserable. Years. That is time I can never, ever get back. And yet, after all that torture, the spanglish menu at Taco Bell can still be bewildering.
Spring has arrived and with it, grilling season. Sadly for my family, our grill suffered a breakdown and had to be destroyed, which meant we had to buy a new grill. Now, I don't know if you've ever been grill shopping with a guy, but apparently there are many rules to buying a grill.
Four letters on these subjects: Gun control, a columnist's poor