Recently, Helen Kirwin-Taylor made headlines across the United States and Britain for writing a column in a British newspaper stating that her children bored her. That’s right. She stood up and said she was bored by motherhood – and she didn’t care who knew it.
And to that I say, “big deal.”
The truth is, I don’t know one mom who hasn’t been bored at some point. My own mother has admitted to being bored – and my mom is a saint who stayed home to raise three wild and dramatic girls who drove her nuts. Once we were grown, mom went on to a successful career.
But you know, my mom never, ever showed us that she was bored or insane or wanted something else for her life. She was just Mom. She read to us, she encouraged our dreams and she let us eat mustard sandwiches as a snack. What more could we have wanted from a mommy?
My mom was just like any other parent. I don’t know one person who has faced endless days filled with diaper changes and Barney and hasn’t been bored. So I don’t see why anyone is surprised about Kirwin-Taylor’s admission. Does anyone honestly believe that there are people older than 4 who want to watch Grover and Cookie Monster look for the Letter of the Day?
But I think the reason that Kirwin-Taylor is being both commended and condemned for her column is two-fold. First, she admitted something in public that moms have only discussed in hushed whispers at playgroups. Many women worked before parenthood and/or continue to work during parenthood. So we’re used to a life that’s a little more stimulating than “Thomas the Tank Engine.”
Second, Kirwin-Taylor finds motherhood EXTREMELY boring – in fact, she said that she that she couldn’t even stand to read bedtime stories to her children (she has two boys, ages 12 and 10). She’d rather have her hair done than attend birthday parties with her kids. She text messages friends when she takes her boys to the movies, and she has a full-time nanny.
I can identify with most of that (except the nanny because I don’t have one). I’ll be honest here, if you’ve never been to a child’s birthday party, don’t volunteer to go. There is something about kids and cake and sugar highs that is just horrifying. You cannot imagine the chaos or the noise.
And once those kids are armed with a bat to break a piñata, all hell could break loose, as well as a couple of arms or legs. As for kid movies, let me just say that on more than one occasion, I’ve woken up in time for the credits. I’m not proud of that, but it’s true.
But the one thing in Kirwin-Taylor’s column I don’t understand is the bedtime story. Sure, it’s dull reading the same one over and over again. But that 10 or 15 minutes every night is so important for a child. Reading is the gateway to success for all kids. And reading to a child every night is part of that gateway. I’m no teacher, but even I know that the constant reinforcement and repetition of language for children is not a chore – it’s their future.
Of course, Kirwin-Taylor has ensured that somebody reads to her kids – just not her. But it’s that very thing that makes me feel pity for her. When Junior was little, we read a book about 50 million times called “My Monster Mama Loves Me So.” I can recite that book to you without missing a word. Heck, Junior can recite that book to you. But about three years ago, Junior didn’t want to hear “My Monster Mama,” he wanted “The Magic Tree House” or “Harry Potter.”
And you know what? I miss “Monster Mama.” I miss the funny pictures. I miss the rhymes. I miss the way we’d giggle about the monsters swimming in the swamp. But I have a wonderful memory of reading my son that book. And that’s what Kirwin-Taylor is missing.
By allowing herself to become so focused on the boring bits of motherhood, she’s missed out. Yes, there are boring parts. But you know, I once had an exciting, stimulating outside career and frankly, there were boring bits to it, too. Every job – whether it’s motherhood or an outside position or both – has both good and bad parts. And if you focus on the bad, you never see the good.
And with motherhood, you’ll be missing out on the best parts – boring or not.
