I know that it is spring because suddenly I have absolutely nothing to wear. Oh, it’s not because I lost my clothes or that I’ve gained weight over the holidays and can’t fit into them or anything like that. It’s because that, in one day, ONE DAY almost everything in my closet has become passe. All of the snow boots turtle neck sweaters and knitted hats that looked so trendy way back in wintertime now suddenly look utterly ridiculous. In fact, I can’t even imagine ever wanting to go out in public wearing such things.
This is because spring brings up all sorts of fashion issues. One of which is finding an outfit to wear that doesn’t make you look like a fool. This isn’t as easy as you may think since springtime weather, mind you, is fickle.
Now, let me just stop right here a minute and say that deep down I know that there are much more important things to worry about in this life than finding a seasonally appropriate outfit like, say, achieving world peace, fighting hunger, and finding cure for cancer. However, try telling that to someone who’s caught in a sudden hailstorm wearing a sleeveless, flowered sundress and strappy sandals. Go on, try it.
That said, I know that there are some of you out there (and you know who you are) who have no idea what I’m talking about because you’re always dressed in exactly the right thing at the right time no-matter-what-the-season-is. You’re probably also the same type of person who wears the precisely correct shade of panty hose and whose lipstick matches your purse.
But let’s face it, the rest of us are bound to look ridiculous at least one time between March and June. Mainly because the number one rule of spring is that the weather changes 15 bazillion times and it never, ever stays the same as what it was when you got dressed that morning.
Of course you could do what my practical friend Stacy does. She makes her whole family dress in layers. Light cotton shirts and sweaters and windbreakers and rain jackets and so on. One particularly fickle day in March, her whole family left the house wearing 11 pieces of clothing at once. Mind you, they couldn’t bend to tie their shoes or walk fast or even breathe very well for that matter, but you have to hand it to her, they were dressed appropriately the entire day.
Then there’s always the bizarre All-in-One vacation suit that my friend Barb bought at one of those special, invitation-only, clothing home shows. It’s not really a suit, but more of a sundress that can be converted into a skirt, bathing suit, evening gown, beach wrap, suit blouse, parka and, I think, a throw rug and hand towel set. And, as an extra-added bonus, it’s all stuffed inside a duffel bag that turns into a matching raincoat.
Practical? Sure. But what happens when you zip when you should’ve snapped and somehow get a bikini instead of a parka? Or put your leg through a hole that’s really the neck of an evening gown? Or accidentally pull the wrong string and suddenly find yourself trapped, with both arms tied behind your back, like you’re wearing some kind of spandex straight jacket?
Me, I think the only safe and easy way to be sure you’re wearing the right thing is to outsmart spring. Each morning I get dressed in my lightest cotton dress and open the front door and say loudly, “It looks like it’s going to be such a nice, sunny day. There’s no rain in sight. No sir-ee.” Then I quickly run back inside, change clothes, and grab a raincoat and an umbrella.
OK, some may call this idea crazy.
But, hey, sometimes spring can cause a person to do the strangest things.
