Trying to Put 9/11 Into Perspective Five Years Later

I don’t know how I feel about this 9/11 movie or all of the 9/11 stories on TV this past weekend.
I don’t know how I feel about this 9/11 movie or all of the 9/11 stories on TV this past weekend. It’s really a mixed bag of emotions. I watched some of it but to tell you the truth I’m not sure that I have it in me to relive this tragedy. It feels too soon. How would the surviving family members and traumatized fellow Americans feel about watching the Pear Harbor movie five years after the actual attack, or the sinking of the Titanic?
It still feels too raw. Is this country in need of such a gruesome visual reminder of something that began five years ago and is still ongoing in war today? Even if they end it with some triumphant stories of survival, that doesn’t outweigh the devastation that is the reality of 9/11.
I remember that morning very vividly. A friend had slept on our couch for the night to save himself a long, late night drive to Fresno. My husband got up early to go to work and as usual turned on the downstairs TV to catch the traffic report while he drank his coffee. He woke us up to tell us what was happening and we sat there with our eyes glued to the TV, our jaws hanging open and tears freely flowing in shock and the horror of what we were seeing.
When we were receiving the report of the plane striking the north tower, I assumed it was by accident, a horrific error or malfunction of the plane. Never did it occur to me that it was deliberate, at least not until the second plane struck. The three of us sat there in shock not knowing what to do, not knowing what would happen next, grateful to be living in a rural community that would not likely be a target and simultaneously outraged by this attack and frustrated that we couldn’t help.
We sat there together in silence, not knowing what to say as the north tower collapsed and we knew people were dying inside right before our eyes. I wanted to vomit when I saw clip after clip of people hurling themselves out of windows, more willing to die on impact than breathe another breath of smoke.
Those images are permanently ingrained in my mind. The smoky black faces of survivors telling us about the victims still remaining trapped inside, the panic and ultimate heroism.
I arrived at work late, numb and feeling that it was absurd to sit at my desk and carry on like it was a typical day. I felt so small and insignificant. I felt lucky to be alive and guilty for feeling lucky. It felt surreal.
I didn’t know what would happen next, where the next attack might be. In the days to follow Americans watched our country pull together and enforce a secure system to protect us. There were American flags flying in front of every house, and we felt united. That night my husband came home from work and hung “Old Glory” by our front door.
Without a second thought as I held it in place, he drilled straight through the aluminum pole into the T1-11 siding, mounting it as a permanent fixture. I went to church for the first time in years to pray and I wrote letters to soldiers. I felt proud of our country and our soldiers bravely facing war on foreign soil. I still do.
In no way do I want to disregard the patriotism that arose from 9/11 or our armed forces that have served, died and remain there today. I wish I could shake the hand of each firefighter, soldier and the men and women who couldn’t dismiss their instincts to help, and those who lost their lives doing just that.
Maybe this movie will re-inspire our patriotism. Is that what this is all about?
I guess I am seeing fewer flags and less coverage on the news. Perhaps this is an attempt to light the fire in us again to be more supportive, neighborly and give our boys at war a boost. I’m all for that. I will gladly watch the movie if it will create a surge of inspiration of renewed support for our troops. I’m embarrassed to admit that I haven’t written a letter to a soldier in a long time. If reliving this day inspires support to our troops it’s the least I can do, here from my safe haven, eating popcorn and candy and sitting next to my family.